living a life of significance..

The Shift

2011-10-13T17:54:00.002+08:00

Wheee!!! Lots to celebrate! A recognition pin for the rank of Director, presented by our most respected and loved, our CEO of Unicity International, Mr Stewart Hughes

This past year, I have been trying to break through the wall that i have been knocking and sometimes crashing on. I never understood why, and what it meant when my mentor told me to 'shift' upwards instead of climbing the multiple stairs which, of course, would take me forever to reach.

Imagine there is brick wall, 50 feet tall, right in front of you. Now, the task was to try and break through to the other side. My action plan was to either force it through, or to try to climb up the wall. Of course, being a mere 5ft2, it was quite impossible. In fact, for the most time, i had people coaching me from the other side. I, however, was standing alone at my place. I couldn't get ppl to get the same vision as me....

Some would say that i'm crazy. that it's impossible. that it's too difficult. too absurd. it's a trick.

"Don't believe them...."

They would tell me.

Sometimes, one or two would be curious to see what i was up to. they will just stand by the side and observe. The "I'll do it if only you can first" type of people.

Some would actually get their hands dirty and try to brainstorm with me on how to get up to the top.

As for me? I would frantically jump up with my arms wailing in the air. Sometimes, i just sit back down on the floor and look up, wondering when in the world will my turn come. At times, i will even go back to my comfortable bed and hide inside for a period of time.

Thankfully i couldn't hide long. The people from other side. the people who have seen the bigger picture at the other side, will sometimes knock on the wall, and ask how I am doing. They would remind me on how and what got me started at the first place. Those are the people I have much gratitude for.

I held on with a tinge of hope. I held on eventhough i felt like giving up. I decided to make a commitment to burn my boats. A commitment that grew from a seed of vision. With my parents' financial support, I built a Centre where i would spend my time there spreading and sharing the vision of getting to the other side. I had to train and pass on the skills to people who shared the same hope and dream as me.

Together, we understood better on how it worked and the action plan became bigger and better. A shift doesn't necessarily need to come from ourselves alone. A shift can happen when there is a team of people who would like to make their lives better and make a change to other lives. A shift can happen from the right Being and an invincible belief. A shift finally happen when we are prepared, and ready.

I have managed to shift up to the next level. For now, I am standing on the possibility of lifting each of my team up and to elevate to the next stage, and next, and the next, until i finally reach to the peak. This time, I am ready. and I truly believe, this process will go on for only a short span of time. Completing the project in 3 years time.

Now, who's with me on this? ;)

The Happy Life and what it has to offer.

2011-07-01T15:57:00.000+08:00

Do you know of anyone who wants a happy life?
Do you know of anyone who deserves a happy life....

This is what i'd always ask people around me. Sure, they know what being happy means, but they are not aware that most of their happiness can be short-termed. Devouring the food that you love, falling in love with someone special, capturing the greatest sceneries you've ever seen, mingling with your best friends........ all those feelings can come and go in split seconds.
Because right after that, you are placed back to reality. Sometimes, reality just hits hard.
However, most of us are not aware that the "reality" can sometimes be a choice.
Even if you are forced to, you basically had a choice. A tough one maybe, but it is by choice.

So, why don't we try to look at things in a different aspect. For me, I chose this road less traveled because i chose to. In fact, i have learned so much, the process has been so rich and colourful to me. A roller-coaster right at the beginning, to a transitional phase and now, just waiting for the right moment to sprout. Seeds have been planted and i am now seeing some form of results.
The beauty of it? this is only just the beginning. I feel good. in fact, i feel awesome :)

Every morning i wake up to this special lady's video. I look up to her and was longing, for a long time, her aura and her power.
My mentor asked me one day, "If you were in her position, how will things be different? What will your Being be?"
A Being without limitations, i answered. He smiled and then said, "Then just choose to Be that."
To be honest, i am taking baby steps, and i am determined to overcome whatever fears and burden that i have left with me. To become limitless and filled only with pride and success.
I have a few days left for the final sprint of the month. My team is working just as hard as i am.

Last Sunday, in the Advanced training, they asked us, "When you reached your achievement, what will the ultimate symbol of success be?" "How big is your vision?" -something tangible
I was listing down all the luxuries and when they said to choose THE one, i scrapped off everything on the list and wrote down........ to own a private jet.

For it is only when i have everything, that i would spend millions on this. it is only when i achieve true freedom that this will become possible. To share the Happy Life Project all across the world. To travel and enjoy the true passive life and embrace all the world has to offer. THIS, is my Ultimate Symbol of Success. In 5 years time.

How? Give me 30 minutes if you share similar if not bigger vision than i do.
Spare me a gist of your time as we build together an unbreakable dream that will be realised in a short period of time. If a 24-year old me, can do it, why not you?
You risk 30 minutes and the worse outcome will be that we get to know each other better. ;)

And now, we bring you the latest launch that will boost up your day-to-day energy and your savings in your bank account ;)

Let's use this to wake us up and chase our dreams, shall we?

We are born for Greatness and for Bigness.

2011-04-12T18:43:00.000+08:00

You know, a few years ago, I have always thought that the successful people in this world and their stories were like fairytale. it seemed too far-fetched for me to relate. Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, Donald Trump and people alike, they are genius and not everyone can be like them.

I realised that they are successful not necessarily because they are genius, but because they believe that whatever they set their mind into, they will achieve. Just like Thomas Edison. If he had not persevered despite a string of failures at the initial stage, we would not have the privilege of enjoying what we call now, lights and electricity. The mere stand of believing that we humans do not have to rely on lighting a thousand candles for a glimpse of the dark, started the whole idea of Technology.

If you were to logically think back, how many people have actually ridiculed his vision and ideas? How many people believed that he could do it? I think you have the answers in your mind now. Note also that Thomas Edison isn't the only one who persevered their vision and belief. A handful of them did and they became legends.

And the key to becoming a legend? or an inspiration?
Belief and Perseverance.

Believe first the vision, and believe you can. Do whatever it takes to achieve it. No matter how difficult this may be. Never give up. Never retreat.

We humans like to belittle ourselves. I used to. But now, what if we humans are meant to do great things? We already have the tools ; our feet for moving around, our ears for listening, our voice for speaking and our hands to reach for the goal.
We just now need to clear our minds and take the first step to complete the action.

If they, who have the same tools as us, can do it, why not we?

The Make Life Better Business Builders Club

2011-04-04T19:08:00.001+08:00

It started with a vision. A vision that we got from our trip to Bangkok....

I then took on the challenge to realise this vision. And initially, it came with a whole lot of fear. Fear that it won't turn out right, fear of it not being sustainable. The fear that i had was justifiable. but i knew that it won't work that way....

At the end of February, I attended my Landmark Advance course - a direct transit from one airport to another right after my trip to Eastern Europe. I was anticipating the course for some time now, as i have heard good things about it.
I came to realise that fear can actually be conquered. Fear, as much as it seems impossible to be vanished, can be conquered with his enemy called, Courage.
From then, i realise that the vision i had was not just about myself. This vision is a standpoint for my people. The people who, too, wants a better life and to make life better for people around them.
I declared, at the last session of the Landmark Adv, to complete the centre by 2nd April.

Indeed, by 2nd April, I made it. with the support of my leaders and family, this centre is ready. Ready to facilitate the Happy Life Project. And ready to welcome anyone who wants what we can offer.

Everyone goes through life with tons of challenges thrown at them. Some people choose to stop their paths, and turn back. They then hide themselves into what we call a Comfort Zone.
There are then some other people who take on the challenges and continue to pursue what they believe in...

You see, i never knew that i could be a pursuer. i give up easily and i do what i'm comfortable with doing.
During the whole month of March, i did what i was committed to do. I brought forth the vision and made it come true. It is now a centre of dreams and how to fulfil them.
It didn't matter what difficulties there were. I just had to make it happen.
Now, my vision is to fill the centre with lives and fill this centre with hope. This will be the initial stage of taking over the northern region, the whole Malaysia, and finally to each and every part of the world.

I used to think of Ipoh as a small little town. Running out of hope, running out of youth and i very much wanted to run out of it. Now, instead of running away, I am committed to take Ipoh by storm. To let everyone know how beautiful and powerful this little hub can be.

No matter how relax they say the people here are, I am committed to also bring the people with power and energy back to Ipoh. As i have mentioned before, this town is the root of Malaysia's Starbucks, The Old Town Kopitiam. And i also know that, many successful Malaysians, who now resides in KL and Singapore, were originally from Ipoh.

I am creating the possibility of making Ipoh into the power hub of the Happy Life Project.
And I am committed to do just that.

The Mind Game

2011-01-31T12:01:00.000+08:00

If you don't already realise, the mind and the heart ~~sometimes~~ think differently.

And IF you really have not notice, then let me uncover the truth. Your life have been controlled by your decisions. Have you noticed how sometimes you have 2 different opinions and you are left hanging because you can't decide?

Take for example, bungee jumping. your heart is screaming in excitement and you really just want to do it. Your mind, on other hand, tells you, "No, you are gonna die... it's too dangerous... what if the rope breaks?"
And then, you are left standing at the edge of the jumping board, STILL unsure if you should do it or not....

And, let's be honest, we are ALWAYS in that situation, bungee jumping or not. And yes, Life is about Choices. Be Aware the both sides opinions formed, and make a decision out it.

My dad was watching (very attentively) the badminton match between Lee Chong Wei and Lin Dan and the latter won. As of their many previous meets.
Honestly speaking, what the Malaysian player lost was not the skills and not the strategy. He lost in mind. He lost confidence towards the last crucial points of the match.
Same goes with the rest of the Malaysian team players.

Many of us decide to Try to win something, but we did not decide to Succeed. Alot of times, there was not any integrity in my words. I came to realise, that every single word that we promise not only affects others, but it affects ourselves.

People lose confidence and trust in your words and you, lose confidence in yourself. and then, there won't be any form of respect from others and even yourself.
So, if you are sitting there wondering why you lack confidence, why people don't respect you, ask yourself first.

Most of the respectable people in the world, respect and love themselves more than others. Expand your mindset and transform into someone you look up to. Only then, people will look up to you.

Lastly, I am excited about my 10days trip to Eastern Europe and I wish all the readers here, A Very Happy Chinese New Year!
May your year be prosperous and fulfilling!

Success Beyond Limitations

2011-01-14T17:09:00.000+08:00

" A life that is good already, is an obstacle to having a happy life.." Khun Phawadon during his speech in Unipower Special Training

" When you fall down, get back up. And when you can barely get up, think about the dreams, the commitment you have made to your loved ones, to yourself" Khun Pitak

" Choose to succeed. Don't make conditions to your success. Do not surrender" Khun Pepsi

And so, coming back from Bangkok just a couple of days ago, i gained alot more.

I got that having to succeed requires the right BEING.

And the right Being consists of Mindset, Attitude, and most importantly, Believe.

Believe in yourself. Believe that YOU will succeed. Believe that YOU are greater than what you think you are, and Believe that, with the right mindset and attitude, all things will work out right.

Become the BEING of the person you look up to. Become the BEING so much so that it embeds into your soul and one day, unleashes to become someone Other people look up to.

Money can buy alot of things, but it cannot buy true happiness. Happiness is only obtained when all missing puzzles in your life come together. Happiness is also very special. It can be given off as a gift to anyone and everyone you choose to touch, move and inspire.

Many people out there are still leading a what they call, 'Okay' life. It is okay only because of the fear of failing....

How about this? Own up to your life. Get rid of all excusitis and take a step, to realise your dreams. You can choose to continue the average life or take on the possibility of becoming Great.

Choose, then Change your Being, and lastly, do the right actions in order to succeed.

and that's what i am working on at this point of time........ Success.

p.s/ Along the way, pick up a copy of "The Magic of Thinking Big" by David J. Schwartz and then you'll know what i mean by excusitis ;)

Of snowflakes and a big ol' turkey ;)

2010-12-26T00:12:00.001+08:00

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white

Gosh how i love this song....

Christmases are meant to be warm and filled with love and joy. It's the season of giving, they say. Gifts, and celebratory dinners; a big ol' roasted turkey with stuffings and cranberry sauce. Also, the christmas decorations and a big bright yellow star on top of the christmas tree.

Of course, the perfect christmas that i have always been dreaming for. snowflakes gently falling, snow-covered pathways and Mr Snowman sitting right in front of our cozy house, guarding us from the dark.

Back here, there are no snowflakes, no snowman and it's humid. But perhaps, it adds to the warmness of the season. The restaurant that i went to today was filled with laughter and joy. it brings together couples, young families and matured families like us for a special dinner. and i love it.

As i gazed up the sky tonight, Mr moon was smiling at me. it was shining brightly and proudly. as we enter the last few days of year 2010, i was remembered all the good memories of this beautiful year. it wasn't perfect, but maybe it's the imperfectness that made it beautiful in the end.

As of now, i have still to tie up loose ends and to sprint to the finishing line for a sip of success. i mentioned a sip because it has only just begun. and i'm pretty sure it'll be a sweet and awesome.

And so, a VERY Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of you.

We still have a couple of days to savour. let it be amazing shall we :)

2010-12-03T18:26:00.000+08:00

Do you remember when life was magical and dreams could come true and when that happens, we live happily ever after?
Do you remember the valleys, the forrest animals, the white horse and the prince charming?
Back then, anything and everything is posssible. Like when rabbits talk of trees dance and frogs sing... Ahhh, I love those moments.
Back then, I would be sitting at the edge of my seat, waiting for the prince to rescue the princess, getting so afraid when the villian was in control of the scene.
Those were the days indeed.
But just recently those memories were once again brought back while watching the new Disney cartoon, Rapunzel.
Rapunzel taught us to dream. Because deep down, everyone has it. Some might be on the surface of the heart, waiting for an opportunity to be realized. Some buried deep down, a few hundred meters in the heart, ignored and placed aside.
Which one are you? What are your dreams.....

And so, dream fulfilled. "what's next?" Rapunzel asked. "Well", the hero answered, "that's the beauty of it. You get to choose a new one" :)))

Love it.

This animated film (I believe it is much more than a cartoon), teaches kids to dream, and remind us, not so young ones, that these "surreal" thoughts can actually bring us where we want to be in life....
It's easy to push your dreams aside. But how about, for once, take a leap forward to realize them? The journey will be a challenge. Heck, it will be one hell of a ride. But it will be worth it. Think bungee jumping. Or skydiving. ;)

As I am typing this, I am sitting in an electric train, on my way to a vision we have for Malaysia. 4 dec 2010 0755am flight Airasia. See you soon!

Btw, it's so heartwarming to see family members waving to each other goodbye as the train departs.....

My Commitment.

2010-11-14T23:02:00.001+08:00

I promised my friends that i will update my blog... it was 2 weeks ago....
procrastination and, writer's block.

i didn't know how to write it properly. i didn't know what's the best execution for it.
i didn't know.
but now i realise, i don't have to know everything. basically, just do it.

my weekend in singapore 2 weeks ago was very fruitful.
i attended the Landmark Forum. initially, i had no idea what it's all about. i just got the idea that it's a self-discovering and self-enriching course. and so, i attended the course hoping for a breakthrough in my career.

THAT, and i got much more.

it brought me down to memory lane. and wow, was it a journey. it made me realise that just particular situations that happened in my past mold me to become who i am right now. just situations I never thought had such a big impact but have actually affected me in so many ways....

it was like peeling an onion like Eng Hai said. peeling off each layer at a time (and sometimes a few together), to get to the core of the 'problem' that i had. of course, being an onion that it is, i teared a little.

and then, i started to realise how silly it can be. how silly it was to be affected subconsciously by something so trivial. i wanted to knock myself silly.

Now, this doesn't change who i am.... it just transforms me into becoming something or someone that i choose to be, instead of basing it from the past.

I Choose to be Powerful. To touch, move and inspire lives.
I Choose to lead a life of significance.

I declare that by this month, i will achieve my current goal and target. i declare, and therefore i am committed.

it takes some courage to type those words out and for it to become real. This is my breakthrough for now.
i Choose to be recognised on stage, the coming January 8 in Thailand.......

.... and it's because, i choose to do so.

give, and you'll get even more. really.

2010-09-15T14:59:00.000+08:00

i know what i am suppose to do within this 5 years time. work hard. work with the heart of giving and sharing. work with the sole purpose of achieving my dreams. i saw my possibilities, i believe that i could, and now, i just need to do even more to get even faster results.

i hear often, with what i'm doing, "it's a great idea. but it's difficult. it's not for me".

but the irony? they don't even have the slightest idea of what i'm actually doing, day-to-day basis.

it's a matter of choice, really. when you are placed in a position to choose, people will always opt for the comfort zone.

but when u're actually working for your employer, would you dare to disobey his orders? however difficult of a task it may be? answer, NO. people would normally just suck it up and do it anyway.

so the key point here is, difficult is not the problem. the mindset is.
we choose to think it's hard, that's why we fail.
we keep thinking of an alternative way out, that's why we can't focus.

these are mind games that we're playing with, if you do not already realised.

and so, i've been sitting and thinking about my dreams one day. it's always a little different each time. a little more...

after retiring from what i have to do right now, in 5 years time, i would like to start up this project called "A Birthday Project". whereby we would make beautiful cakes for the unfortunate ones on their birthdays. it sounds simple. but to me, i think it's the most wonderful moment when someone opens the cake box, to find a lovely cake, custom-made especially for them. i was thinking of setting up a foundation on my own, but now that i think about it, there's already so many NGOs related and so, why not make it universal? it's a project for every child who needs a special care on their birthday. hence, A Birthday Project. to make every child feel special.

i love to decorate cakes. it's a joy to make people smile when they see them. i just don't want to make money out of that joy. it defeats the purpose.
so this a one big part of my dream. i am sharing so that i hope, in a way, it will make you start to dream as well.
and always remember, dreams are not "what if's"
dreams are meant to be realised. it's just waiting for your right decision, at the right time.

2010-08-13T11:24:00.000+08:00

And so here I am, sitting in the low cost terminal airport awaiting for my flight to bkk and at the meantime attempting to blog with my iPod touch. Hm who needs a laptop :p I was attending a meeting in my kl office last night and as always new thoughts sparked across my mind. I have always been reminding people to dream. And most of the time, this topic leaves ppl helplessly scurrying their thoughts. To dream. It sounds so easy but it can be so hard.

For me, dreaming is a part of me. Hehe. I am a dreamer. Ppl used to call me unrealistic. And due to that, slowly, I blocked that part of me and kept it in an obscure part of my brain. Think realistically they say. I remember when my dear mentor eng hai asked me at our first meeting. What do you want to do if you have alot of money? I told him, I am going to invest. To get even more money. He then asked, okay, and then what?

Yes, now that I think of it, and then what? And then it turns into unrealized value and wil then be passed to the next generation and the generations after. Wel, that is if my children don't spend it all. Is that not the conventional way?

So what do we do for Ourselves? I was listening to the radio one morning and they were discussing about how parents save their whole lives for the children , hopingthat when they grow old, the kids will take care of them. Most realize that when they actually are old the kids try to leech off whatever savings they have for themselves. It's a sad reality is it not?

So why don't we set a bigger vision for ourselves? Help not just our generations but also touch the lives of others so they they too can spread the spirit of giving and love. Can you imagine how the world will be like?

Anyway, I have to board now and no time left to proof read.
Let's set dreams, create visions and then, let's soar :)

To be continued. Have to board now.

Up in the air.

2010-07-09T14:05:00.001+08:00

every single time i step out from an airport, it smells different. don't you agree that each country, each place, gives a different scent? a breath of fresh air, a welcoming gesture, a new place to explore.

even if u are stepping back to your home ground, or going back to a city that you've been visiting frequently enough, it is just somehow different each time. i've always loved travelling and one day, i would, like the main actress in the movie "Up In The Air" said, just pack my luggage, stand in front of the schedule board in an international airport, and just, pick a destination. i wonder how that would feel...

by the way, if you have not watched the movie, please do. it gives you a whole new perspective in life. it highlights what most people are afraid to know. Job Security. bleh. there is no such word in the dictionary. especially if you are an employee. what can you do if your big boss hires someone else just to tell you "you're let go". fired, basically. after say, 17years of working for the company. you see, your loyalty did not even earn the decency for your boss to tell you you're fired. well, i guess they don't do the dirty work themselves.

and your employment? it's just numbers for them. it's expenses to them. they care only about cutting costs, not what you would do about your life after the retrenchment. it sucks. but it's so darn true.

but yet, people still do the Norm. they go into a relatively well-paid job in a relatively well-known company. they don't quite know why, and they are pretty sure it's not because of passion. but, they know that it will make their parents and relatives proud when asked about their job. That's the norm.
you can ask a million and one accountants if they even have a slight liking to their job and you would get the same answer. they are doing it for the money, but even more so, they are doing it for the label.

i apologise if i touched on something too sensitive. but ask yourself this question. if you are doing what you are doing in the next 20 years, will you be able to seek happiness? satisfaction? a sense of fulfillment? just promise me you will answer it with your heart. not with your mind....

operational transitions. and things alike.

2010-06-25T09:43:00.000+08:00

hm.... i think i've lost it. the blogging habit i mean.

i've been meeting people, sharing happy life and doing roadshows in the midst of my absence in this blog. I've been travelling up and down, in and out in this little peninsular. it's good to know that my business is limitless and it just makes everything even more exciting.

i've realised that i've always been justifying my job to others. even if i don't have to. well, enough justifications. roadshows i do is not merely to sell. it's to share and to open up options to another form of remedy to your health concerns as opposed to drugs. we share, and we plant seeds. we do body fat checkups to remind and to let the people be aware of their body. that way, they know better to keep healthy. or so we hope.

a doctor residing in Adelaide came by our booth one time and studied the ingredients of our products. it was so comforting and exciting to hear his words after, "it would be great if these products were to be sold in Australia too!"

a week later, i got an email from Joan saying that our flagship product is made available (and approved) in Australia. talk about coincidence! i emailed the doctor immediately telling him of the good news. now, if only he remembers to check his email....

apart from that, my new apartment is gonna be ready real soon! and my darlings from melb are back! reuniting once again!

and so, i can conclude that there was much transitional process going on these few months and i can only believe that things will get much better in the following months. it has to be, anyway.

I-p-o-h

2010-06-25T09:20:00.000+08:00

i think i have been trying to escape from this small town so much so that i did not manage to see the great potential that it has for my job.

and so, here i am... no longer using the word "stuck" but instead "based" in Ipoh. now, that's quite an improvement, don't ya think?

2010-04-02T14:52:00.001+08:00

i still remember being woken up by the early brids chirping, the "cuckoo-doodle-doo" sounds of the chickens, and the endless mosquito bites...

That was how i spend the first hour of Chinese New Year. when i was just a kid.

I would climb down from the room, and sit outside the old kampung house, waiting for the rest of the family members to wake up and greet the morning. My fourth uncle would already be outside, practicing his tai chi moves with the radio subtly on. playing to the chinese oldies.......

and, slowly, one by one, my uncles and aunt, cousins, my siblings and my parents would take their turns with the washroom connected outside of the house. in front of it, a deep ~~wishing~~ well.

the old tunes would then be replaced with the bright songs of new year. the blessings of gong hei fatt choy replaces good morning.

I remember playing firecrackers and 'pop pops', being served with the array of festive cookies and kuihs, playing cards betting with peanuts, dressing up primly only to find myself pretty much covered with dirt later in the day....playing Barbie dolls with my cousin sis Wei and Kimberly, uncle Mike would take us little ones to the hotel that they're staying to play in the swimming pool... my grandma and aunts would be diligently cooking us big meals for the big number of people in our house....

At night, it would be fireworks again, accompanied by the sounds of mahjong, and loud voices from the idiot box... turn midnight, we would go back to our respective rooms and it's good night, sleep tight for me.

That was more than 10 years ago. now, the house is taken down and what was left were memories.....
Last weekend, i was down in Malacca for Cheng Meng festival andit made me smile, thinking back on those days... i truly miss it. a lot.

p.s./ On a sidenote, I created a new blog, http://sharingtheendlesspossiblities.blogspot.com

Do take a good look, will ya?!

2010-03-22T12:33:00.000+08:00

I am currently embarking on a journey that most peers my age do not understand while people in the midst of their career crave for, but at the same time are too afraid to step into, due to previous not-so-good experiences.

This 'journey' requires persevering endurance, self-discipline and the an outgoing personality. It sounds pretty complicated. BUT, isn't this a basic requirement for almost all types of jobs out there?

"I can, and am willing to definitely work long hours during the peak periods"- there goes long persevering endurance for you ;)

"I am able to meet with deadlines" - self-disciplined, checked.

"I am a great team player and I adapt well in a new environment and, I can lead when my time comes" - outgoing personality it is.

Ahh.... the model answers during an interview. I almost forgotten about those. It seems so easy now, without the head-to-toe check, and excessive analysis of your body language from the interviewer. But oh well, what does not kill you makes u better. right?

I'm planning on starting another blog. a more commercialised one. an almost daily updated one. one more towards my work....while this, i will keep it. simple. the same laidback and random entries. hm, what do you think? maybe i should..............

2010-03-04T12:20:00.002+08:00

Happy belated lunar new year to all! Or really, authentically speaking, Gong Hei Fatt Choy :D
Wishing all a happy and prosperous year ahead.

If you don't already notice, we Chinese people particularly live for MONEY. look at our new year greetings. instead of saying happy new year in chinese, we, if not all of us, say good fortune or wealth the first thing we see people. which directly translates to, Gong Xi Fa Cai.
look at the colour theme (red & GOLD, anyone?!). and instead of gifts for the new year, we give out mandarin oranges, which, in chinese again, has the same pronounciation as, well, Gold. and, the elderly have a tradition of giving out ang pao, which literally means money in a red packet.

wow. talk about early childhood education. no wonder we are known as the money-minded race.
so yes, we love our money. AND we are proud and open about it.

and oh, do i love my chinese new years. its an annual family trip thing. this year, it's Hokkaido. a snow beauty in winter. oh. my. god. i love it to bits. the snow, the food, the hospitality. ahh..... it's lovely. snow-mobiling, snow slides, snow crabs, snow flakes, snowmen........ u get the idea ;)

if there is one thing that i learned from the japanese people, it would be the seriousness and dedication in everything that the put their mind into. the refined details of their packaging, the heart that they put into their food, the courtesy that they are accustomed to. the creative mind of technology [the creator of most console games (think Wii, PSP, DS) funny money "eating" devices used as a piggy bank, using their phone as a paypal, touch'n go card, and a barcode scanner?! c'mon]. i can only salute them for it.

On another note, some of you might already know that I was in Bangkok for a Global Convention for my networking business. Well, i was contemplating on which pictures to post on my blog until, i found a great video that summarizes the highlights of the convention. So please, relax, and get ready to be amazed :)

2010-01-26T14:07:00.004+08:00

i just got back from bangkok.

but first, a late Happy 2010 to all! and a belated Happy Birthday to me. thank you to all the heartfelt wishes on my birthday.

Just when i thought that my birthday went pass like any other day (since i usually try to plan some special trip or a dinner with my friends), we (all januarians) got to celebrate it with more than 600 people from the camp. it was special. and camp. let me tell you more about the camp...

A three days two nights Eagle KASH camp in the outskirts of bangkok, a place called Nakhon Nayok, was nothing at all what i had expected. sure, i've been to a number of camps. but this is different. this, is an intensive physical AND mind training.

the results or conclusion taken in from the camp? a reminder and an establishment that if you don't try to make an effort to relive your dreams, then those dreams will never come true. failures are those who give up on theirselves in the middle of the process. in order to succeed in life, u hav to first convince yourself that you can do it. success can only be felt truly when you can share with the ones you love.

sure, some of you must be thinking that these are just basic common sense. but we humans, need constant reminder about all the possibilities that can happen to us. why are there millions of people auditioning for the next American Idol? Why are there billions of people trying their luck at lottery? they want a miracle to happen.

Networking is the new trend. just like it is for the IT business a decade ago. Facebook, Twitter, MySpace are social networks. McDonalds, 7-11, Starbucks, Oldtown Kopitiam relies heavily on networking in order to spread their franchise globally. Mr. Tony Fernandes had a vision. to breakdown the monopoly of Malaysia Airlines and to have flights catered for those who would like to travel on a budget. AirAsia is now voted the best low-cost airline in less than 10 years time and it keeps on expanding. What they all have in common is a focused Vision and a System. look at Dubai now, and compare it to how it was 10 years ago. they are true evidence that anything is possible. and you, you just have to believe it.

just as i was on my bus ride back to ipoh, Jason Mraz's "Make It Mine" played in my ipod and in that moment, i felt that it was a song that sang my heart out...

a change. for a start.

2009-12-16T00:07:00.002+08:00

yes. i finally changed the blogskin. this time, i'm satisfied. for now, anyway. let's just say that it's a new beginning to a mediocre ending..... :)

will pen down more soon.
till then :)

one word.

2009-11-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

okay. now, another excuse to explain my absence in this so called blog....

one fine day, i decided that my old blog layout was getting boring, and messy and dull.
and so, i went on to blogskins.com and got myself another pretty layout.
just when i saved the changes, i literally deleted all my links, and music, and tagboards and everything else personal to me.
and so, now i am stuck with this soul-less background that seems so lonely and sad that i just refused to write anything on it anymore. (not that i hated the design, i'm just sad tat everything else is gone. so to the designer of this layout, it's not you. it's me.)

there you have it. 80% of the truth and the other 20% comes from inborn laziness and a true procrastinator that i am. i'm sorry.

during my train trips and whatnots to kl and singapore, i took another attempt to finish a novel called, Eat, Pray, Love. obviously, there was a reason as to why i wasn't able to finish it the first time. perhaps, i will try again. the third attempt. but anyway, the book is well-written, and witty. so again, it's not the book, it's me. really.

in the book, the main character was asked to describe herself at that certain point with one word. which, triggered me to ask myself the same question. in my current state, i would say, SEEKING. i am seeking for work partners, seeking for love, for freedom and for life i call my own.

at my age, i was told to not leave fate as it is, but to use all ability to seek even further in life. there is a fine line between greed and pursuit, i think. where the former has no specific aim whereas the latter, works with a dream, and target in life.
i have a big dream, and a simple target, as contradicting as it may sound.
and thus, i hope that within a span of a few years time, i will be able to ACHIEVE what i am currently seeking.

and now, my question to you. if you were to describe your current state in a word, what would it be?

all you have to do is to open up your mind to the endless opportunities..

2009-10-14T22:53:00.000+08:00

it has been awhile. i know. because people have been constantly reminding me about it. i know. because i am no longer 'always' logged in into my blog account. and i know, because my previous entry was pretty damn half-hearted.

i have been preoccupied. and then it took me a while to gain back my momentum. and so, here i am.

over the past few months, i can honestly say that i got a thorough experience of getting back to my roots, my hometown. my family, my highschool friends, and just everything else that made me who i am. a small, 'sleepy' town called Ipoh.

during my four years of absence, i noticed the littlest difference in the buildings, the roads and the old coffeeshops that i frequently visit.
very well-preserved. would be a good excuse.
outdated, kampung, slow, and lazy would be the harsh description.

as i have always pointed out, no matter which hour of the day it is, you will be able to see the somewhat popular kopitiams and cinema here pretty much occupied. don't believe me? take a tour to the now infamous dim sum street, or the old town traditional authentic white coffee shops and you will know. and the irony? they are all locals. yep, born-n-bred in ipoh itself.

ipoh people love food. and they live for that purpose. the only thing ipoh-ians are good at? preserving a century/decades old recipe and make it big. think Oldtown White Coffee and its coffee chains. We are the originator of the Malaysian ' Starbucks'. We provide good quality food at an affordable price but perhaps not the best service.

Singaporeans and Malaysians alike think of 'nga choy gai' or beansprouts chicken with the ridiculously smooth hor fun, with just the mere mention of the name Ipoh. We are proud. very proud of that.

Fireflyz finally came to Ipoh to launch it's S'pore route after a sudden halt by Airasia due to low demand at about 3 years ago. We decided we love fireflyz.

And so, it was a reminiscence of how my world works just 4 years ago. 4 years later, all of my good friends left their hometown for the capital city or at another part of the world. and that is how things work here. we grow up in ipoh, work in kl for about 40 years and retire back to ipoh.

as much as i love my hometown, i realised, i can't settle. perhaps, i need to get a feel of the big, bad world out there - for a small town girl like me.

a heavy heart, a light-weighted mind.

2009-09-04T18:46:00.004+08:00

hm...... i guess i have not been writing much...

^^
will do so in future..

Cheers,
from the girl who '0wns' summer.
- quoted from Ms. Qianyi Ong, 4 sept 2009.

to catch a butterfly..

2009-08-05T23:29:00.002+08:00

happiness is like a butterfly:
the more you chase it, the more it will elude you,
but if you turn your attention to other things it will come
and sit softly on your shoulder....
- thoreau

says the mug. as a gift, from my dearest friend. Thanks for the encouragement. the words written in the card, they didn't seem long to me anymore. it was heartfelt.

inside me, there was a subtle, silent confidence. but even more to it, there was self doubt; as contradictive as it sounds. right now, instead of pushing hard to change who i am, i decided to take a slight step back. to absorb all that is around me. just by opening my mind, i was able to experience the difference.
now, i am preparing to open my heart, to believe that i can. even more sincerely this time. now, are you with me?

a peculiar feeling..

2009-07-24T22:30:00.003+08:00

i just need to break over fence. and climb to the other visible yet intangible side. i haven't had the greatest support, nor have i faced the deepest setback just yet. i felt as if i am sitting on a swing, swaying backwards and forwards. am i just really staying at my comfort zone, refusing to bulge? how would one know? the road less taken. can sometimes feel so lonely...

i once did a personality test online. the result? entirely subjective. and i was in between an Individualistic Idealist and a Groundbreaking Thinker. the only difference? well, one is an introvert while the latter, a outgoing person. so i know what i have to fix. well, i knew since i was young. i was pressured. i was reminded. but i have never succeeded. in a comfortable manner anyway. so many "how's" but so little answers.........

and so, again, i am thrown into the subject of the "i need" and "i want". which matter most?

it drives me crazy... literally.

2009-07-12T23:38:00.004+08:00

i think driving too much in ipoh causes severe high blood pressure. it gets me annoyed, irritated, moody and sometimes even the "yes, I'm so used to it by now" attitude when someone else comes ranting to me about it.

in a way, one's driving skills define their character in itself. and fo' sure, this place, named "Sleepy town" by The Star Publications lives up to its reputation. it is entirely different to KL drivers but dangerous all the same. or even worse.

i have encountered so many incidents that made me rolled my eyes, or muttered the words "oh, c'mon. are you kidding me?!"
take this incident for example, i was just driving obediently along the left lane under the overhead bridge and there was this white little Kancil driving just next to me. in equal speed. and then, out of a sudden, he swerved to my lane, which was impossible as i was just beside him, unless of course, he wanted some thrills or deeply missed the joy in bumper cars in Genting, or whatever fun fairs there are out there.

and so, when he was a little bit of an inch from me, i started jamming the horns like a mad woman. i had to. or else, i might end up as one.
after that, like a wake up call, when he realised that he was nuts, he decided to go back to his own lane.
as i turned to look back to the Kancil, i was shocked to find a passenger next to him. how blind can two pair of eyes be?! i turned to glare at them but they pretended as if nothing happened and refused to meet my eye. as the traffic light turned green, i sped off, still appalled by what had happened.

and by the way, they weren't the young reckless probational drivers nor were they of the elderly side. they were, i believed, my parents' age and "well-experienced".

my sister kept telling me to chill but honestly, i can do well without cursing for once when i drive. now, this is what i call a road rage.

a step back into the past..

2009-07-09T00:21:00.002+08:00

a song triggered me to start taking notice on my poorly abandoned guitar.
it was one thing that i treasured most. it wasn't the most expensive guitar in the world, but it was the fruit of my earnings from one month of working at a salad bar. it wasn't a branded one. and it need not be. it was a spanish classical guitar by a name i'd forgotten. but makes effortless melody.

as i googled through the tabs for the song, i was amazed by the fact that the beautiful song was created by merely four simple chords. 'Falling Slowly'. i loved the complexity it brings out with such a simple song like that.

i smiled at the scent of the wood from my guitar. i smiled as i start getting smoother as i played. i smiled at how simple life is. by immersing myself into music.
it is funny how my fingers only start to hurt when i was done.

it reminded me so much of my days back in high school.... back when we perform for school functions... back when we would start strumming random (but limited) numbers in class when the teacher wasn't around.. back when we were still trying to look 'cool'.

to those who went for the pangkor trip; jmun, sweeleen, sneha, mel, bala, pris, zhi & eli, if you are reading this, it was an interesting get together after five years. *winks* things changed. preferences differed.. but i guess that's what made it so interesting.
i hope in the next five years... when we have another catching-up trip. we'd have more to share. more for me to reflect upon...
funny that i've known you guys for more than a decade now. some, even nearly 20 years in counting (sleen, bala. lol!). who says friendship can't last?

- XoXo.

when adulthood hits hard...

2009-06-12T22:45:00.004+08:00

i realised it has been ages since i visited a coffee chain, sipping off my latte, reading a book. mostly dull textbooks or lecture notes. or the occasional storybook.

it has also been some time since i finished a novel within 2 days. i flipped page by page, my book, "A Thousand Splendid Suns"... he was a great storyteller, the author.

i remembered just a little more than six months ago, i was sitting down in gloria jeans, my table filled with piles of notes and on top of them, my loyal green highlighter that i have been using it for the whole of my college & uni life. and of coz, sitting quietly at the corner of the table, my skinny hazelnut latte or sometimes, a skinny mocha.
i was never really fond of coffee, or the smell of it. and especially not the aftertaste. i'd always make sure that i have my mintbox with me before i ordered my dose of caffeine. it never worked for me though, the caffeine. it made me sleepier.... perhaps, there was never a cure to stay awake for Derivatives Securities.. now, i can't even recall the slightest detail of the subject. no matter. i am no longer a student.......

Thus, begins the new chapter of my life. a path chosen. a road taken. not the conventional glamorous option but definitely a challenging and rewarding one.
it was a ticket. out of comformity. i daresay that i took a small lion step to live out of the conventional way.
the people i met differed so greatly that it has been an eye-opening experience for me, each trip in itself. the (once) poor, the rich, the young and the wise... they gave reassuring nods as they heard that i'm a new one. 'it's the right decision', they'd say. i wouldn't know. not at this point of time. but what i know is that it was the best option.

i have so much more to learn. i'm amazed by how people can just speak up and be respected. it is a self development program for me. so much to absorb, so many opportunities to catch up on.. right now, it is as if i am thrown into a f1 car, unable to operate it. despite it all, i know i have the best tools to assist me with it. i will make it work. and i assure you, i want to be a living proof that it will.

to realise the power of the Dream - part 1

2009-05-26T22:30:00.003+08:00

i was taught from young that stories like cinderella, sleeping beauty and snow white are just mere fairy tales that would never exist in real life.
"happily ever after" would only invite sneers and sarcasm.
the same thing goes from my dream to be rich, and happy at the same time.

but what if, it is possible.

because of the preset mind and pressure from the society, we were asked, or demanded to be realistic.
let me ask you something. was bill gates or donald trump ever a realist?

i was probed into answering these questions during my recent trip to singapore:
"what do you see yourself doing in the next 10 years?"
"what are your dreams? your vision?"

i learned that if you see yourself doing the same thing you are doing now, then seriously, you need to get yourself another life.
if you thought of getting rich but never really thought of what you would be doing with those money, chances are, you won't be rich. you need motivations. aspirations. some tangible dream that you can stare at that motivates you.

in this society, people are skeptical. we over-analyse things. perhaps it is because we are so media savvy and that we are overly exposed to listening or reading stories about failures. when asked what they really really want, or have passion for, they don't dare to even have the slightest thought about it.

i am one of the most skeptical person you would ever meet. hello? i smile to confuse people for goodness sake. now, as if a different person altogether, i was convinced, and motivated to dream again. to live up to the old saying that "if we don't try we'd never know".

skepticism? still, a little. i am human afterall. but more than that, i am willing to invest in this self-development program.

my goal? a private jet, a house overlooking the ocean.
my dream? to contribute to the community. my own charity foundation
my vision? to achieve all that within the next 10 years.

too green? out of my mind?
well, at least, i dared to dream; to make life better.
and i know just the way....... if you would just believe in me.

"hurricanes? mountains?" rolls eyes Go Cowell!

2009-05-20T22:34:00.004+08:00

i am having this american idol flu at the moment..
it's pretty weird, since i haven't been following it for years.. well, ever since i left for melbourne anyway..(since aust doesn't show it... )
but it is nostalgic... i remember back when jennifer hudson was just taking her baby steps to fame.. back when everyone was having their 'Fantasia' craze just like adam lambert's... (by the way, what happen to fantasia? anyone?)
i still remember how Carrie Underwood beat off Bo Bice, my fav.
i wasn't impressed by her. maybe it was the rock-over-country type of bias...
to think that now, i love her song...

the program seeks to discover the best singer in the country through a series of nation-wide auditions. well, apart from seeking lotsa revenue along the way, of course.
through that, people from all walks of life are able to 'give it a go' to earn some well-deserved or perhaps even the eyebrow-lifting type of fame. think william hung.

we can't deny that most idols and idol finalists got some fair attention even after the competition while some just gradually dissapeared. well, at least, from the international limelight.

and so, how far will this year's top 2 go in this road of fame? sure, they have loads of supporters for now. but you know, people tend to forget things easily (like how i forgot william's name and had to google 'american idol' in the wiki page to recall).

adam lambert vs. kris allen

most of you can just roughly guess the results from here.
kris allen is, and always was the dark horse of the competition.
adam won millions of hearts by his high-pitched tones and feline eyes... and of course, he looks so much like elvis..

I am a Gokey fan. there, i said it. what can i say? i like to be wowed in a different way.
and kris allen's execution towards kara's song? i dunno which is worse. the song (lyrics in particular...) or him trying so hard to reach the notes.
my heart was saying, danny would hav nailed this song. too bad he lack the looks......

whatever it is, i still love the top 3. theatrical, romantic and acoustic.
plus, they are all guys :)
results tomorrow morning.
instead of the battle between the two (since they said they are too friendly to compete with one another *scoffs* *bullshit*), it's the battle between their fans.
and may the hardcore ones win.........

*update*
just when i was convinced that adam lambert would get his trophy.........
but hey, Kris is just too cute too be ignored.congrats! :)

love carlos santana!

=(

2009-05-13T10:51:00.002+08:00

'1,000,000 FREE SEATS [International now available]'

travel period: Jan 2010 - April 2010

a promotion from my local budget airline..
i can only watch. and feel excited for those who could go.
i don't even know where i will be, let alone what i will be doing next year...

*sigh*.... i guess if you knew me, you would know how devastated i am....
damned.

fickle, fickle, fickle....

2009-05-08T23:42:00.002+08:00

I met this girl from my university's alumni event and she was telling me how not to give up and that it took her six months to land her first job. She was from class of '05.

My thoughts? 'great, that means i have go through another 5 months of rejection and thorough evaluations of your resume, plus, a judgmental head-to-toe look with every single expression or word you mutter.'

it is funny how in your 22 years of life or whatever age you are from, you are evaluated based on a few pieces of printed papers named - the CV. a concised history of your life that is worth mentioning. it has to be very intimidating yet not appear desperate. simple yet detailed enough for them to know what you did in the past. the employers, or rather, the HR department already has a template of what type of people they should hire. so the only thing is that whether or not, you fit into their standardised criteria. sounds objective but can be entirely subjective altogether.

if you don't already know, i hate being judged and therefore, i don't judge. i might have my opinions towards certain actions or certain few individuals, but i really, do not judge. nor want to be. so this whole thing is just intimidating for me.

i learned, after some measely experience, that i cannot be too honest towards personality tests or to some tricky questions, never falter onto those piercing eyes, wanting to know you better as you speak and must always answer to their liking even though they emphasised on "what are your thoughts on" certain topics. if you can't think fast or smart enough, then you just have to wait for a week or two to receive their letter of well, rejection.

yes, it is not that my family is depending on me financially. it is not that i am at a very old age that i am being looked down upon for not getting a job. it isn't because i wanted to start work really badly.... it is just that this whole process can be pretty tiring, especially since i do not live in the city. and honestly, still taking allowances from your parents and knowing that you are not financially independent is just, not a good feeling.

and so, the question lies, do i still wait for my dream job to appear before me, or do i seize any opportunities that go in the way? again, it is the battle between liking and wanting......

tick, and tock... (part II)

2009-04-21T15:43:00.005+08:00

perhaps i'm a little too contented in life.
maybe i should start living with an aim..
but what do i want?
i'm too realistic to dream for something too far-fetched..
plus, things that aren't would be just too predictable. and boring.

right. i know i know. i should aim to get myself a private jet. just like john travolta's JT 707 wing. oooohhh.... *slurps*
that way, it'll be far-fetched AND predictable. the best combi ever.

for those of you who take interest in what i'm actually doing in my small little hometown....
well, i occupy my time by searching for something i can be occupied with. and believe me, time passes by really quickly that way..........

the ability of the inability..

2009-04-10T21:41:00.003+08:00

think large. dream big.

i have always thought that was my motto in life. why be contented to a simple little world that we live in when we can achieve so much more? why conform into what people expect of you when there are infinite possibilities and opportunities out in this world?

it seemed ambitious. it seemed admirable. it seemed like the best idea for a 'nothing-is-impossible' age like mine. i used to lecture my friends when they told me they just wanted to marry a rich guy once they finished their studies. absurd, i'd thought. after all the money spent on your higher education? and, abroad?

but ever so once in a while, it feels tiring. it is tiring to please, to look confident and to act as if every single word out of my mouth seemed to make the most sense. and this is just the pre-requirements of success.

this then made me question the idea of success.
to some it means enormous value of wealth in their savings account. to some, it simply means family - to create one, to outgrow one and to hold onto it. to some, it means fame, and to some rare individuals (1/10th of the population?) it means to heal the world and to live life simply as it goes....

it can be so simple yet complicated.
but, do i just give up everything that i have been working for? just like that? perhaps this is what i called greed... the supposed drive in life that makes us improve who we are as an individual.
however, isn't an ideal person defined as someone who does not commit crime and who live life to the fullest? technically?

and thus, with all the complications and the contradictions in life, i am left confused. and lost. what is my next step? i can only go with the flow. go with what i am supposed to do rather than what i want to do. because i am a cowardly person who is afraid of even the slightest thought of not conforming.

2009-03-27T22:59:00.002+08:00

today was supposed to be the coldest day of the week. a maximum of 19degrees, the forecast said. yet, it was one of the warmest day of my life.....

as i was walking back home tonight, i smiled, i laughed a little and i teared. i was touched by all the wishes that i received. "take care", " good luck in your future undertakings", "look forward to seeing you in malaysia" "it was great knowing you".

as some were still persuading me to stay, i could only smile. i can only hope that the people around me willingly support my final decision made. it was hard to say goodbye to me, you said. but it's even harder for me to leave everyone here that i cared so much behind. it was hard. but i decided to stand firm.

mr. moon was hidden behind the clouds that eventually became pitch dark in the night. the rain decided to give it a rest tonight. as i looked up the sky at the rooftop tonight, i saw little stars making their way into the spotlight. just a few, but just enough.

and this, will be a beginning of my next chapter in my life......

and as i am typing this, my baby bul is just sleeping at the corner of my bed, squinting his sleepy eyes as i gave him a pat.... i will miss him so absurdly much........

****************************

my usual shoutout to kumz, Happy Bday!! and Alicia, happy 21st!!! i'll be waiting for you to send me off tomorrow!!! :D

A reply to Alicia's "Happy Grads Whye"...

2009-03-25T19:26:00.003+08:00

Over these four years in Melbourne, we formed a bond. No licia, not the financial securities type of bond you were asking me about... a bond filled with a diverse range of human (an sometimes inhumane)-like personalities and the usual ups and downs of emotional contact; pretty much just a natural clique. It is what i call, a FRIENDSHIP bond that ties us together ever so strongly...

It all started off during the orientation week of Trinity.. the usual ice-breaking sessions, the tiring introductions and getting to know another. It is funny that out of SO many fellow students that i talked with, the name Choy Yeing was saved in my mobile's address book. She seemed so gentle.. and most of all, she was from a neighbourtown of where i came from.........

After sometime, i was invited into Choy Yeing's apartment. She told me she would cook a nice lunch for me and her friends. That was where i met Qian Yi. Being as ignorant as i was, i started chatting with her using Cantonese and it took me quite awhile to realise that she had difficulty understanding me. Yet, she still put in so much effort to converse with me..........

Nearing the end of my college days, i was introduced to two hyper and enthusiastic individuals. they were always happy and friendly. They seemed so fresh to me. 'Cute' i thought. Up till now, i don't really remember how i got closed to the both of them in the beginning of my uni life. all i know is, Alicia, Shook Yeng, you are both very special to me...........

And that, formed a complete version of my zi mui. the five of us that can be a handful when we get together. the five who sometimes neglect others because we're so into our own little world.
the four that i will miss so SO much when i leave.....

as i've already said, i'm not the first one to leave, i'm the first to wait for you guys to come back. my arms wide open. forgive my constant annoyance, and blunt remarks. as my life is filled with so much uncertainty, i can't hold any promises; as much as i'd like to. i look forward to the quality time spent the nex two days here in Melbourne and i will be waiting for you back in M'sia....

because there is no point...

2009-03-11T21:12:00.004+08:00

*types..... * *erases....* *types....* *erases....*

shit. talk about writer's block. and i can't even be considered as one.
though i've tried a trillion times to come up with a sophisticated entry, it never worked.
i guess i'm not sophisticated enough..

so this is me, being, abnormally normal.. as my friend described.

my blog was once called "dreams..... miracles..... fantasies...."
everything seemed so dreamy then. words like, 'i want to be this and that when i grow up...'

then, as i grew older i realised that there were no such things... and it changed to being, "building the foundations of adulthood" since i was still under 21 then... adulthood seemed scary and mysterious and needed to undergo some sort of training so that i am matured and prepared to face the dark, dark world...

when i turned 21. nothing mattered anymore. i only smile.... as it confuses people. i refused to be read and studied. i want to discover myself before others discover me.... and when i gave up, i'd just smile... because that is what i do best..

perhaps my next blog title would be "." a dot. 1 fullstop that translates too => fuck. i don't care anymore...

or maybe i'll decide just out of the blue to be bubblegum-ish/lollipop mushy and go with "love". because i love the world so much so that i want to spread the love virus all around... *droolly sighs...........*

anyway, till then...

Back to reality.

2009-02-04T17:22:00.005+08:00

if there is one thing that i have learned throughout my globe-trekking month, it would be that it is time for me to start looking for a job and to stop being a parasite. no more eating off my parents' hard-earned income. no more excessive shopping. no luxuries in my wish list (except maybe the YSL bag that i've been eyeing for months...and a new mobile). no no. no more of those. at the moment.

i need to start typing endless cover letters and endless tailor-made resumes and be on a standby mode just in case some nutcase decides he should hire me............. lord i hope there are lots more of those nutcases out there.

eventhough i missed out on my white christmas, i made up for it with a very white new year instead. words to define my 9 days Romantic Swiss & Germany trip? jaw-dropping, heart-stopping. breath-taking type of beauty. It made me want to return for a skiing trip. and believe me, i was never really fond of skiing. That's how beautiful the trip was.

Neuschwanstein Castle that inspired Disney classics, Cinderella and The Sleeping Beauty

At the top of Europe, the tip of Mt. Jungfrau :D

Blessed New Year.

2009-01-21T01:03:00.003+08:00

a beginning of a new year always meant so much more to me.
it meant that my birthday is coming up real soon, it meant that chinese new year is around the neighbourhood, slowly finding its way to our welcoming doors..
it meant that i will be occupied running errands and whatnots for my parents in prep for the lunar year. baking cookies, sending curtains and laundries for dry cleaning and helping to put up lanterns and red decos in the house that you will probably still see at the end of the year.

it's always nice to see all the facebook greetings; be it for the new year or for my birthday. my heart warmed at the sight of those familiar names and smiled at those who once were. sure. people use reminders. but the fact that they took a few teeny minutes to type out the words, happy birthday and click on the send button is enough for me to feel grateful, and happy. so again, thank you very much.

i was just back from hong kong - taiwan trip which explains me being MIA. the best word i can use to describe it? very chinese.
indeed it was. from the on-your-face-type-of canto to the trying-to-hide-my canto/english-accent mandarin, it was all pretty overwhelming.

Hong Kong is exactly what everyone describes. the city of lights. the city that never sleeps. the shopping haven. but more to that, it is a city that has many faces. it is a city that tries its best to accomodate the people that live there.
theres the downtown 'I love Kowloon' type of place. theres the HK's own Upper East Side sort of place. there's the Tokyo-Shinjuku shopping mall lookalikes in Causeway Bay and also the less uptight and more 'let's slow things down' spots that only locals know about.
To some of us, HK is a drama setting. I watched too many tvb dramas to ignore which drama and which scenes were acted out at which places. Wan Chai police station, Lan Kwai Fong, the city double decker trams, Victoria Harbour and the list just goes on. It was like a reminiscence of all the dramas that i have watched. and i didn't even try.

Taiwan on the other hand was almost the opposite. the people were warm and kind and it didn't go as crazy-paced as hong kong. there, people don't make annoyed sounds and just knock you aside when you're not on the same pace as them. there, they gently tap your shoulders and make finger gestures to tell you that you're blocking the way.
we spent five nights there and went to four different night markets. we were having street-eating frenzy so much so that i refuse to go to any more pasar malams within this month. i demand proper restaurants from now on!

we met many kind-hearted people along the way and met up also with my aunt and family. most importantly, to

alicia - how can we not appreciate all the effort you did to make this work.. it's impossible without all your enthusiasm and your heart placed in this

maggie - thanks for allowing me to stay over at your place and bugging you with your phone for half of the trip. and your family's warmness..

qian - i'd like to think that our maturity level is around the same. hehe. without you, i'll be literally stuck with 3 kids. and gosh, you're the cutest ever!

juin - juin ar juin, you're the little sister. you're the mood-maker. you're the pro in bargaining. ;)

thanks. my travelling pals!

'Tis the season to be jolly ........

2008-12-18T19:31:00.006+08:00

Hm, perhaps i was being too rash by saying there'll be no more sarcasm and lies?
because, well, that won't be me anymore..... and so, being as i am, i'm taking back my words...

A standing ovation to Ms A-Keys, who brings soul into rhythm & blues, who sings her passion and her life, a talent, no matter what others say. it was truly an awesome night.. my throat still hurts from cheering so much..

It's a week away from Christmas and i wonder what Santa has in mind for my present this year...
Yes, a big red stocking is hanging on the handle of my sliding door..
I guess i should write a list of things that i that i'm eyeing for lately..

a flight ticket around the world
Disney cartoon collection (i'm still not over it.. :p)
Chanel classic flap in white
Tiffany's diamond earrings
..........

You know what? I don't need those. yes, not even the flight ticket. because i don't wanna travel alone.

I want pure simpleness. i want happiness.
cheesy, but sincere. plain, but fulfilling. that's my idea of joy.
Mr Santa, and dear rudolph, if you'd ever exist, i'd like that.

Christmas to me, is all about colours, decorative Xmas trees, gifts, lil' santa and reindeer plushes, snowflake and golden stars that surround the streets and the malls all around the world, festive sales, and not to mention, for that i mean, without this it won't be Xmas, the singalong melodies of the christmas jingles....

and oh, do i love the songs... yes, I'm dreaming of a white christmas and i'd better not cry cause Santa Clause is coming to town with rudolph the red nose reindeer, who has a really shiny nose..... (i'm singing as i'm writing this..)

Hope you enjoyed Diana Krall's version of the song in my 'jukebox'.
To everyone, "Have a Merry Little Chritsmas!!!!

no more sarcasm, no more lies..

2008-12-12T10:20:00.004+08:00

and so, i am left to face the harsh reality.
a sign from above that kept telling me that this is not who i am suppose to be.
albeit clinging on to the lies,
heartless efforts were never enough.
sadness passed me by.
tears dried up over time.
anger befriended me
towards the screwed up system that left me tortured and helpless,
towards myself for being a letdown.
and now, i am left to settle this mess.
despite it all, i might have followed the same path, given a second chance.
damned. me.

my kind...

2008-12-08T19:33:00.008+08:00

Women.

i don't even need to elaborate further. it's a universal language that makes men and even some women (like me, for example) come together with a silent agreement.

it comes with many meanings and one of them, sarcasm.

since i am one of them, i can, without any worries or concerns over possible bashings from feminists or just plain ignorant females, explain to you what it actually means.

they know they are wrong but yet, it was never the point. the point, i must say, is to make men go down on their knees a.k.a raise the white flag
it takes them eternity to decide on the tiniest matters ("should i go for Sara Lee's ultra choc ice-cream or cookies 'n cream?" "hm, never mind. it's fattening anyways." *walks off*)
it's normal to cancel on a date/outing because they just don't feel like it
women are sensitive. just because.
when shopping for a list of things, they usually end up buying things that are not on the list
praises are always good. regardless of the real truth.
girls, when 13, want to be 18. women, when 30, want to stay 18.

well, i'm pretty sure you got the gist of it.
women, don't deny it. i am half of those things up there whether i liked it or not.
men, if you are nodding your heads in absolute agreement, well, guys are no better. actually, not even near.

don't ask me why.....

2008-12-03T22:22:00.004+08:00

I've been in Melbourne for the past four years.
i remember starting off this journey of self-discovery, filled with anticipation and anxiousness. it was my first time leaving my home and my family. at the age of 18.
At that time, i wanted nothing but to leave everything behind. i was tired of my old life. and i have had enough.

perhaps it was because i was staying with 3 of my other cousins, and technically, i have a sibling here in Melbourne, i never really knew and understood the idea of being homesick. i was just glad to be in a new foreign place. curiosity dominated most parts of me.

four years later. this place didn't seem as foreign anymore. it became part of my life. and melbourne became part of who i am. the lifestyle, the culture, no matter how much i complain, it slowly defined me. i was subconsciously sucked into this tiny part of the world.

my drive in search of great fortune gradually deteriorated and it left me questioning the point in living such a hard life when you can never get to fully enjoy it. yes. call me a brat. a rich spoilt brat. yes. i have my parents' blessing and wealth to allow me to do so. tons and thousands of people suffer to earn just a penny while i, with all the blessings in the world contemplate on whether i should take a break (at my parents' expenses) or do a masters program just because i am not ready to work.

yes. i sense scowls and heads shaking.

but. i know i am someone, when finally starting off with something, will give my everything to it. i know that once i stepped into the corporate world, there will be no regrets and my aim is to do my best. and i know, i know very well that at this stage of time, everything doesn't amount to much in terms of performance.

i admit that i have lost most of my confidence, my esteem, and maybe even passion in life. so that is why, i need more time. i need time to fully think about my path. and to build up what i have lost over these years in life.

don't be disappointed. don't be letdown because you are not in my shoes. you can hardly understand what i'm going through right now. it's not life at its lowest point and therefore i should not overreact. i'm sure i'll have a laugh at this as years past by but judging from my decision i made 3 years ago to enter into the commerce world, i definitely know that decisions like these should be thought through thoroughly.

whether or not i should stay, go back, or venture into a new foreign land, i really have yet to finalise. what i know now is that i should weigh all the options carefully and wisely...
no. i did not answer most of your questions in the end but i think that the only person that i have to answer and consult is really just myself.

2008-11-18T16:29:00.004+08:00

Love o-bento made by Alicia and delivered especially for me..... aWwwww......
have i mentioned that she's such a sweetie? hehe..

haha.. see.. i spotted mr 'octopus' and his eyes...

after 25 minutes........

well, i guess the pictures say it all.... the bento was left with.. nothing really..
thank you so much!! it's the greatest form of encouragement for my paper tmrw... hehe.

and yess, in jap, aishiteru 'licia-san!!!!!

cookies & cream topped with chocolate and coco pops :D

2008-11-13T21:48:00.006+08:00

no raindrops today... no chilly wind, and not a sight of the clouds...
it was sun all day round. it was the beginning of the "attack of the flies" saga...
it was stuffy.
just like my mind.

filled with equations and theories that might not necessarily make sense.

filled with simplified models of the economic part of the world. models that we learned only to find out later the criticisms and how it does not apply to the real world, "as empirical studies" suggests.

filled with how consumers maximises utility and firms with their profit maximising strategies only to be told the shortcomings of it as consumers don't necessarily act rational all the time.

don't get me wrong. i love economics. it's just that sometimes, you question the significance of it when in the end, as the studies show, they are not all that significant anyway......

here i am, after my final economics paper in my entire life (i hope), i bid it farewell.
goodbye graphs, goodbye models, goodbye economics and trying to make sense out of them.

perhaps we'll meet again. in the Economist.

spitters spatters..

2008-11-07T19:29:00.006+08:00

lady in sweatsuit: You look cool. :)

guy: Huh? Oh, thanks.

lady in sweatsuit: Just thought you should know.

guy: *laughs awkwardly*

elevator: seventeenth floor

I stepped closer to the elevator door, trying to hide my smile

lady in sweatsuit: You look cool too :)

me: erm.... thanks *immediately steps out* still shocked by the randomness.

and if you MUST know, i was wearing my usual casual outfit that i wear to university, iPanemas a.k.a thongs, and absolutely no make-up (maybe concealer). and the guy? he looked normal in a normal suit! lol.

oh well, at least i got humoured.

my study essentials:
-ipod nano, regular skinny hazelnut latte, notes, texts, highlighters..........

"No special reason for this card...."

2008-11-04T19:40:00.002+08:00

I received a card today. as my brother handed me the envelope, i immediately recognised the familiar handwriting. the handwriting i've seen in my entire schooling life (primary 1 to sec 5).
my dearest dearest friend. Kumz.

just as i was wondering what the occasion was (i.e. some sudden marriage invitation? hey, nothing's impossible :) esp. when it comes to her), the cover of the card was written as of the title of my entry.

i smiled. yes, why would we need one right? reason, i mean. in case you can't get the flow. lol.

inside, she pasted 4 pictures of us; pictures taken in 1998. 2000. 2004 and 2008.
ahhh... memories.
btw Kumz, you looked the same. minus the innocence you once had. or did you? :p

"i know we have grown apart in this past few years......................... You'll always have a special place in my heart"

thank you my dear friend. i am writing this just as i am texting you at this moment. i have always, always mentioned that i had two besties in my high school life. and you were one of them.
i admit that i did get freaked out by the distance we have now but it donned on me that i now have even more reason to get to know the new you better :D
sorry for not being there when you needed someone to talk to.

although i can no longer use the words 'friends forever', i still do believe that our 15 years of friendship is so much more than mere numbers. and with that, as i've mentioned, even though our paths keep drifting away, it's just another opportunity to strengthen this tie.

and so, this entry is dedicated to you. my precious friend.

btw, i realised we don't really have much pics together huh... recent ones i meant... damn.

my f**ked up body clock

2008-11-01T16:13:00.002+08:00

my friends have been complaining that i did not take the 'last week of uni' thing seriously.
and after all the pondering and self-reflection-s, i finally realised why it did not meant anything to me. yet.

first off, uni is all about studies right?
what joy will you get when your lecturers and tutors were constantly reminding you about the finals with all the exam reviews and "tips".

secondly, the thing i got out most over these few years in Melbourne: food.
whoops, i meant friendship.
and we are still currently clinging on well together...
*
*
*
so what's there to get all hyped-up about?

btw, i think i'll be on hiatus in msn for quite some time... well, at least until my exam ends. but my blog might be updated from time to time
.... might...

now, if you'll excuse me, i got to get back to my "The history and potential causes of Financial Crisis" lecture notes... oh, and 'licia, ironically macroeconomics has taught me that it's not good to be too optimistic. it can actually lead to credit crunch. :p

2008-10-26T20:42:00.005+08:00

I love......... plopping myself onto my bed after a shower at the end of a long, tiring day.
I love......... singing in the shower (it always sound better ;))
I love......... my itunes collection and just listening to them when i study, or when i'm just bored
I love......... waking up with my two cats silently sleeping beside me in the morning
I love......... the smiles of familiar faces that wakes me from my zombie-roaming from one class to another in uni.
I love......... gazing at the beach and just enjoying the sound of the waves
I love......... staring at a person and trying to analyse what they are actually thinking (no, i'm not stoning)
I love......... covering myself with my quilt and curling up with two pillows when i sleep even when my room is stuffy and hot (like now)
I love......... Friday night dinners *winks*
I love......... fiddling with the ends of a pillow with my fingers. it's a habit

and there goes my attempt on being positive. well, kinda.

2008-10-21T19:54:00.004+08:00

As i was obediently printing out my lecture notes for my classes... i realised that i only have 2 more weeks (excluding this week) of Uni. and i literally mean it.

OMFG! (apologies for my rudeness).. but yes.. OMG omG Omg!
my eighteen years of studies will soon be officially put to an end. well, provided i'm not doing my masters after this and i'm STILL considering...
Oh my goodness.
it seemed too surreal.

maybe it's because of this that i've been trying to figure out all possible plans for my future.
i'm at a loss to what i should be doing when studies is no longer a necessary option. i'm sure we all are. well, those who are fortunate enough anyway.

it's a natural process isn't it?
some of us start early and attend what we call nurseries... where toddlers play, befriend, eat and nap till the evening... (for me, my 'nursery' was my parent's shop and 'playtime' is practically fighting and screaming and crying due to my brother's mischieves)

we are then sent to kindergardens where we learn our first ABC's and 123's and all the classic nursery rhymes and so on... god, this made me miss TENBY so much..

next comes primary school.. i still remember my first day. the school seemed so foreign and huge compared to my little self. i remembered all the maids and mothers waiting outside the classes as their child who could not seemed to adjust to the environment was weeping so badly it was funny to me. i remembered pushing my father away on my first day of kindergarden and asking him to leave quickly as i was embarassed. i figured it was then that my parents acknowledged my independence because they told me that "even your brother wanted us to stay..." well, i regretted it now. they seemed to think that i can handle everything on my own from then onwards...

As the natural process continued, i found myself in highschool. i started holding almost too many posts in too many clubs and societies and in the end, 90% of my time were devoted to them. clans were slowly formed and as our group got bigger.. we got further apart from each other... odd, but true. i still remember them though. happy and sad memories that we shared. and the superb 6 gang *winks*

and then.. this current years of college and university where i got to meet the few of you. hehe, yes ni, this includes you :D it's funny how we are all SO entirely different yet we can become so close huh? and alicia, i think arguing is a great form of communication don't you think so? lol.

and that was how my life had passed. 6/7 portion of my life were devoted to books.
now tell me.. what will i do when i no longer need them?
hm... it's not like i don't hav a path.. i have too many of them... that's the problem huh. lol. yes, i will try to concentrate on my studies now and make my final decision later (i wonder how many times i've said this). FOCUS is all i need. and one that i lack most....

***************************************

this may seem totally random, and out of point... but hey, i'm all about random ain't it?
lately, i've been in this ridiculous serch for disney classics. little mermaid, peter pan, sleeping beauty..........
hm, considering my birthday is coming... maybe you guys can prepare that as a present for me huh? lol. i think this is to direct to be considered a hint. *mischevious laugh across the room*
okay. i'm officially nuts now.

2008-10-20T21:50:00.002+08:00

i've been getting pretty emo lately.
no no, not those that start crying in the middle of the night.
i get annoyed REALLY easily. it resembles the pms-type, and i normally do NOT have those moodswings...
i think my friends around kinda noticed it but did not dare to voice it out.
and so here i am. admitting it myself.

i can only blame the exams.
i've only just acknowledged the subconscious 'devil' within me. i am subconsciously stressed out. and it's true.
all the symptoms have been calling out "stress" but i have always placed it aside.
my final year of my high school - bell's palsy, scalp problems
every exam period - headaches
and now, my hidden short temper is unleashing out.
brrr.... just the thought of it.
i need help. not medically..
just some help.
if anyone knows how to cure this absurd illness of mine, please contact 0408 xxx xxx
your help is highly appreciated.

darn, i think i'm going crazy just blankly staring at my Derivatives notes for 3 hours now... aaaAHHHHHHH!

p.s/ the writer clearly apologises for all the unnecessary commotions caused and to all the past victims, do kindly accept her heartfelt sorries...

of crocodiles and their birkins....

2008-10-15T20:29:00.006+08:00

lately, the idea of conscience kept creeping up.

the idea of killing animals for the sake of fulfilling one's satisfaction for one. say, for example, rabbit fur coat, custom-made crocodile skin birkin (which i must say, prices can jack up as high as the value of a car easily), or guiltily, my lambskin chanel classic flap.

yes. guilty as charged. i have not only 1 genuine leather bag, but also leather key pouch, leather sofa and so on. does that make me a bad person? if so, i think coco chanel, and thierry hermes ought to be shot.
and you! yes YOU who think you're so innocent. what about your leather boots? your leather watches or any type of dead animal's skin lying on the floor of your house. you're no better my friend.

My friend don't agree with the idea of ordering fresh live fish in chinese restaurants. she objects the idea of killing the fish for her own purpose of savouring the poor thing (i'm not sure if there is a better term to explain this). it sounded absurd to me at first because the fish swimming the the polluted tank that is displayed widely in the restaurant will soon be dead anyway. or i figure it would rather be, given the awful situation. and what about the chicken, and the pork and the frozen fish fillets right? they are dead and we are happily stuffing them into our mouths anyway. it's the circle of life right?

well, apparently her idea is similar to that of the use of plastic bags. well, kind of anyway. here's the thing:
- 1 person reduces the use of plastic bag -> 1 less demand for plastic bag
and over time, you will save more than 10 plastic bags and people will eventually follow suit.
this means that the amount of plastic bags demanded will decrease at an increasing rate and in the long term, the use of plastic bags will be greatly diminished.

it sounded like my economics solutions.... but yea. the idea is clearly written there.

so, my point is, to what extent do we care about saving the environment or even animals?
does self-fulfilment or self-satisfaction come first? how many people are willing to give up their luxuries to help the mother nature? and if people carry the motto "contributing the least we can", are the least enough to save our world now that is deteriorating so quickly? screams of help have been called out so long now and the world's 'rapid' steps to saving the environment, are they really working?

wake me up when september ends....

2008-10-04T10:27:00.006+08:00

What better way to end my september than having a brilliant road trip....
and this is where pictures say a thousand words......

We drove along the coastline...
pass the meadows....
through the rainforest...

under the rain.....

across the greeneries and the cutest cows...
until dawn......

to finally reach our destination, the Great Ocean Road
and the twelve apostles...
and concluded the trip with the best fish and chips under the beautiful sunset....

Note: the writer chose to present the pictures as a 'passenger-in-the-front-seat' point of view. the writer believes that this will give the best impression of the splendid Great Ocean Road.... and how a road trip is suppose to be like...

now: 11 degrees; max: 19 degrees; Mostly SUNNY

2008-09-20T21:57:00.004+08:00

while US and other parts of the world are clinging on to the pathetic remainings of the cliff called "financial crisis",

while my country's *ahem* politics is currently the box office hit comedy aka laughing stock of the whole fat world,

while my grades continue to persistently remind me that i'm not cut out for finance or economics or whatever it is that i'm studying.....

I, on the other hand, had one of my most relaxed days since the semester started.

woke up at 12
watched dramas
flipped through my marie claire, bazaar and some other fashion mag,
blog-hopped for melbourne's best restaurant reviews
flipped through good food guide 2009
dissed fitness first funk class
got my friend to take away dinner (thanks sy!)
watched another movie in crunchyroll
took a shower
decided to make use of the sk-11 mask that's been in my 'samples' bag forever
used up other sample products
and now writing this entry.

how inefficient can my day be? but my first day of holiday... it's supposed to be wasted right?
who am i kidding. it's just like any ordinary weekend for me. it's my weekly routine actually. lol.

and now that you actually know what i do at home, don't be surprise when i say that my life is boring.... cause it really is...

thinking if i should go to gloria jeans tomorrow to start catching up on my Derivatives or if i should go shopping...... maybe i can do both..... i do kinda need some tops and a bag... and i've been eyeing on the shu uemura gold blusher... and the eye lash curler........i mean.. spring is here afterall... and summer is coming... it seemed like a good enough excuse for me. :D

hm, anyone up for a shopping spree with me?

2008-09-15T18:47:00.002+08:00

enduring life is like learning maths.
it's all one step at a time.
unless of course, you're unlucky and got stuck at some unsolved puzzle, or when you surpassed the current level and is thrown to more hardships just because the teacher thinks you can handle them.
that is life.
and i'm blessed for having go through things one step at a time.
but even so, i find it suffocating.
you try to leave the problem as it is for as long as possible.
you try not to think about it. you try not to mentally solve it.
but humans are born greedy.
there are no boundaries in knowledge, they say.
it's just a matter of determination.
if people say that the end of studying years is the beginning of your life, then i'm caught in between curiosity and restlessness.
if people say that grades don't matter but academic results are required for the final review of your job application, then i'm left in a state of confusion and anger.
angry at myself for not working hard on my first year of uni.
as i tried sweep of my pessimistic-ness and think positively, perhaps even if i've tried the hardest each and every sememster, my grades won't change. i'm just not cut out for studying. just like i'm just not cut out to be an optimist.

i think if i were to write a novel, the entire book will seem gloomy.
it's bad habit of mine really. i tend to dwell on the bad side of things and let the good ones past me by............

so, on a brighter note, i managed to catch a glimpse of mr full moon smiling on to me just before i plopped myself onto my bed last night. thanks mr moon. you were the shining light among the darkness.

spring is here.
the mid-sem break will be knocking on my door soon enough.
and my dearest baby bul, will no longer be a baby.

Happy birthday boy!!!!

you'll be a full 2-year old in a few hours time. promise me you'll show better influence over CJ *winks* (still hopeful).

p.s/ thinking if i should buy him a new garment but i guess he'd prefer some snacks instead...

2008-08-25T23:08:00.004+08:00

i'm suddenly a jason mraz fan. i don't know why..

i was having a conversation with my friend just few days ago, and she mentioned that the main concept that we've learned thoughout the 3 years of uni life would be to finally realise whether or not the current degree that we'll pursuing is really suitable for us.

she added, "we didn't get any smarter. because a 17 year old kid would devour the knowledge as well as us, given the readings and lessons."

her statement, however bold, sounded like a bell to me. it rang immediately. it was true. i took the conventional way, not wanting to disappoint anyone in my life who cared. i wouldn't say that i have regretted this path, but, if given another chance, i would knock myself clear on the head and tell the foolish me to pursue what i really want. though it's not too late, i am now in a state of mind where i would want to fulfill and complete where i started. at least, to not disappoint me, myself, and i. finance. how tough could it be right? lol

ahh.... perhaps i'm too pampered afterall...

one last thing, i know my page is probably filled with pics of my cat, but i can't resist...

...... deep in thought. lols

2008-08-12T22:01:00.004+08:00

The one novel that i can't seem to understand why i couldn't put the book down everytime i start. it doesn't have an elegant writing style, nor does it have the most unique plot. it's somehow, irresistible and i can't put my head on to thinking why that is so.

You have probably heard of it... or seen it all aligned on the bookshelves of major bookstores - the Twilight saga. a story of an emotional (too much so for my liking in fact) high school girl who fell in love with a blood-sucking vampire. how UNoriginal right.

It's becoming a craze lately - the "new Harry Potter" as they call it.
If u're one of those early majorities led by impulse and curiousity, try it.
This book was introduced by my cousin who's 25 and 'highly recommends' it.
If you're a skeptical late majority, don't bother. it'll be out in the cinema soon enough (watched the trailer, spoilt the image of my perfect vampire. damn).

At the moment, i'm waiting on Borders 20% off voucher to get the third book, "Eclipse" while the fourth one is sitting patiently on my dining table due to my kiasu-ness.

It never ends..

2008-08-12T21:48:00.004+08:00

Athens '04 - SPM exam (As my CV states, "GCE O'Levels equivalent")

Beijing '08 - Final semester (hopefully) of my uni life

London '12 - Final semester for my MBA? lol. wishful thinking.

Maybe by then i won't be tied up by studies. maybe....

tHe FeVeR

2008-08-11T12:46:00.003+08:00

The one thing i need to do now... focus.

NOT on Olympics.... not on the magnificent opening, not the swimming events (go aussie, go Phelps!), not diving, not gymnastics, not badminton (M'sia boleh!) and definitely not the overall medal tally.

I need to study. i need to study. i need to study. i need to study.
and i'll keep telling myself that.

2008-08-01T15:05:00.002+08:00

"So, tell me, how was your childhood like?" My friend asked me almost abruptly after her stories of her encounters with dinosaurs in one of her odd dreams.

Childhood. It was interesting. my mind went blank. what did i do in my childhood?
"Barbie dolls" i muttered, while still trying to come out with more interesting topics.

But before i could say anything else, a smile spread across her face with a an expression that seemed almost too child-like. Everything seemed clear. i had hit the jackpot. 'Why, of course,' i thought to myself. And we started competing on the number of Barbies we had, and how we never liked the black ones... damn, that was when racism was nurtured, wasn't it? Oh well, i never liked the Asian ones either too. too squint-eyed, and stereotyped for my liking.

Polly Pockets became our hot conversation too. i boasted about how i had a whole neighbourhood of them (shops, houses, cafes, supermarts), and she talked about owning Polly rings, and hairclips and so on. At one point I were so amazed by the ring that has a sofa that Ms Polly can sit herself on, that we giggled our way through.

"Oh, and i was afraid of water at one point because of Jaws!"
"I know! i never dared to wash my hair!"
"Oh my god, have you ever watch "It"? you'll never think of clowns the same way ever again!"

... and the list of exclamations went on.

It was funny though. Childhood has taken up half a portion of my life, and yet, all we came out with were teeny little things like those. I guess that really goes to show that worries weren't dominating our life at that point of time.

When i was a kid, i get scared of the silliest things one could ever think of.
Besides being afraid of the possibility of being eaten up by a shark in a 6-feet deep swimming pool, i had a phobia of balls. Balls that come flying toward you at a uncontrollable speed as a consequence of being knocked over by a basketball. Which explains why i have yet to get my hands on a game of rounders/baseball.

Silly things aside, how was YOUR childhood? are you smiling noddingly as you were running through this entry or were you laughing at how dumb i made myself sound like when i was a kid? OR, has childhood never left you and you are still in actual fact, a kid at heart?

As embarassing as it may seem, i still, have yet to 'cure' my habit of fiddling with the edges of a pillow with my fingers as i put myself to sleep. It's unexplainable. but i guess, it's just one of my many weird obsessions.

2008-07-20T15:25:00.004+08:00

I am thought to be a person with firm believes. sure, i way from one to another from time to time, but eventually, i often know what i really want.

i made decisions as they were spontaneously thrown to me without the slightest hesitations because i have always believed that no matter which choice i lean on, there shall be no regrets. regrets are made only for people who are stuck in the past.

lately however, i'm in this lost state where i start to avoid decisions. decisions that would severely affect my life. i feel inferior compared to the people around me when it comes to my studies. you may say that because i don't care too much about it in the first place (studies, i mean), but it's really because i utterly despise the idea of been graded in life.

since we were young, we were thrown into a norm that classifies our behaviour or characteristics marked by grades. i understand that is a crucial source to test how well we've prepared for numerous exams and tests but is it really the most reliable source to test our knowledge in general? and am i making sense?

aren't exams just really testing how well we've memorized information given from the textbook? and do we really restore what's been studied in the past few months in our minds forever? if we just throw the information away after each exam, how reliable are grades really then? how well do you remeber your geography or chemistry or whatever it is that you've learnt in high school?

during my intern days, my senior colleagues were still frantically flipping through their tax related books to search for a certain information because they can't recall what they have studied in the past years.

perhaps, i'm just coming up with an excuse. an excuse to comfort my insecurities.
perhaps, i'm sick of the whole grading system.
so, do excuse my rantings and don't bother taking them seriously.
as i have yet so come up with a better solution than grades, i will now silently obey to this norm that has been carried on for hundreds of years.....

On a much personal note, and off-topic altogether, Batman is THE superhero. Christian Bale > Tobey Maguire
Bale is HOT, Hot, HOT!!!!

2008-06-27T15:32:00.002+08:00

if only i have a time machine.......

not to change my past....

but i'd like to go to my future.
i wanna know where my path will take me.

i'm just like that. and impatient overlooker.
if only i know.....

********************

i wonder.... how do people normally react when they're in awkwards situations. situations where the someone finally reveals their hidden secret or when they're in an absolute horrible state. what do YOU do?

i think i'm the worst at that. don't get me wrong.. i don't mind listening to them at all. to me, these situations are times when you get to know the other's true self. vulnerable yet humane. the toughest part is usually the next step.

the 'words of comfort' part.
a million words come flowing into my mind. some just don't make sense.

"i'm sorry", "are you alright?", "it shouldn't be that bad right...?"

but when you actually think back about it, they are lame. (if she's alright, she wouldn't be crying now would she? and i guess, it IS that bad...... )

they are words used to satisfy yourself. 'yes! i've manage to word out something during these silent moments' i'd think.

for me, i'd prefer silence. i'd prefer a warm, assuring smile from the others. if i'd already had the courage to own up to how i feel at the moment, i've already surpassed the mental stage of consoling myself. i just need a place to rant it all out.
don't you think it hurts even more when you see your friend squeezing every bit of effort to comfort you when in the end it does not come to a use?

i guess afterall, it's the thought that counts?

Peter&Jane + Sweet Valley + Sidney Sheldon + Perloff's Economics series ;s

2008-06-25T20:54:00.005+08:00

i was digging through my book shelf frantically searching for my photo album. the album with all the significant memories in it. thanks to sneha who posted our baby pictures in FB, she reminded me of it. the album i mean.

so much thoughts came flowing through my mind. it's like a film that goes on and on.

pictures of me 1 month old, 8 months old, 1 yr, 3yrs, 7, 12, and up till now.
pictures of me in a pink wool beanie sitting on those baby rollers (what do you call those?),
pictures of me carrying my sister that was so adorable back then,
pictures of me looking all nerdy when i was 12 ( no wonder i couldn't find any photos b/w 7 - 12)
pictures of my girl guid-ing days..
my high school life ("superb" 6, DOL yada yada.. )
trinity days,
annual trips with my family..
and finally, photos of me and my uni-mates....

what amazes me most that despite what age i was, i carried the same smile in most of the pictures... the same teeth-flashing, eye-squinting dorky smile.

to me, pictures restore joyous memories but at the same time, it manipulates us to believe that our whole life are only filled with moments of happiness. what about the times when you cry underneath your blanket, or when you hid in a corner cursing every single person you know after being reprimanded or punished by your parents? or just odd times where you just feel like the whole world owes you something, but you're not quite sure what that "something" is..

it does not show us that part of the world does it? and why are we constantly asked to smile in the pictures when it should be a natural thing to do if we're really that happy?

oh my god. i think my blog gets more depressing over time.
no, people, i'm NOT under depression. it's just that happy thoughts should be cherished and left unsaid isn't it?

***************************

On a personal note,
a big congrats to Jiang Mun on passing her exams and finally able to leave for england ..
and also to Kum for getting her scholarship!

you guys are starting a new life altogether while i'm still dutifully working to end my final year.

buble the crooner...

2008-06-25T00:31:00.003+08:00

buble makes me swoon. oh so much.
being one of my few companions in my library, i can subconsciously hum along the melody of the next song after another in my "michael buble" playlist without fully knowing the names of them.

On the 19/6/2008, i fell in love with him all over again. although we got awful seats, his charm was still too desirable. if only, we'd be able to hug him, like how the people in the front row did, we'd thought. we vowed next time to grab vip seats just to see a better glimpse of him.

*******************************************

As I was walking back home tonight i finally spotted Mr Moon. No wonder i can never get a view of him ( i assume) from my apartment. it has been quietly sitting directly behind the building of my apartment. today is not a full moon. it did not have the sly smirk either. rather, it's in an awkward stage. not full, not half full, but a quarter to one. almost like the state i am now. not happy. not sad. just... a little bit empty (and so is my stomach right now which is desperately screaming for attention. damn, my 4.30 lunch made my body go haywire).

exam ended today. i should be overjoyed right? i should be planning out carefully my much anticipated winter break. again, i should. but i'm not. and i don't know why.

maybe i should move to hamilton island, like what yeing said. spend my whole holidays there just working part time and enjoy the absolute beauty. and come back, start new. i miss the bright blue skies... i miss mr nemo and his family. what randomness......

i suddenly thought of my baby Belle. i wonder how she's doing. that poor naughty thing. if only she has as much love as Bul... but that would make her as cocky as him huh? hm, maybe not.

i better end my entry now... or else the ramblings will go on and on......

as the back of my ipod reads;
my Bulgogi
my Belle

and yes, i'm serious :)

2008-05-20T21:34:00.002+08:00

The latest World News headlines:

Sichuan toll tops 70,000 as mud traps rescuers

Children face starvation as neighbours finally meet over Burma

These heartbreaking news and earth-shattering disasters are happening to us, right at the moment you sip your coffee, eating your sandwich or even just when you were having some normal conversations with your friends......

Everyone is really starting to reconsider the idea that God is telling us something. The consequences of Global warming has just begun and is now taking its effect. Survivors desperately trying to look for their loved ones, carrying the faintest hint of hope while others can only mourn for their loss.

I can only say so much to all of you here. But i know that every cent counts and that what they really need right now, is for us to donate our love to aid for their medical and food supplies. Please, contact your Red Cross organisation from your local country and make a difference. I have done my part, now it's your turn.

2008-05-14T20:18:00.002+08:00

They ask me,
"What are your plans after your studies?",
"Will you be staying in Australia or going back to Malaysia, or are you thinking of trying elsewhere?",
"Which companies do you prefer applying to?"
"Which areas of finance are you interested in?"

If only,
I am able to successfully graduate end of this year and have all the money in the world to travel all over the globe,
I can get a PR rightafter I graduate, or an approved working visa elsewhere in just a snap of fingers,
I can choose the companies i want instead of them choosing me,
I can select any field i like and get the position instantly.

You see,
The world don't evolve around me and me alone.
I don't just get PR without meeting the requirements and waiting for it to be processed.
I'm not the smartest (i certainly don't have the best grades) nor am i the most outgoing person that shines everywhere i go.
I don't get to choose the job, THEY pick ME. and god, i hope they do.

SO,
STOP ASKING ME THESE QUESTIONS BECAUSE BELIEVE ME, I WOULD SURE AS HELL LIKE TO KNOW THE ANSWERS MYSELF.

Sorry for my crankiness, i blame the immense state of pressure that i'm in right now. I hate third year. and i think that's gonna be my new tagline.
Gotta tend to my cat who's all sneezy at the moment.

falling leaves....

2008-05-04T21:14:00.007+08:00

This should be the best season of the year.. for me at least....falling leaves and all.... but it has yet to amuse me.

This should also be the time where i'm most motivated. to end my whole lifetime of studying with great grades and to start a bright, admirable future.

There. i said SHOULD. which meant i haven't and i should.

Staring at the pic above, it looks the same as the one i took last year doesn't it? same ol' trees and the three lil poles in between. the same pathway along the architecture faculty, old physics, and old whatever else there is along the way. Except, this time, for some reason, it seemed soul-less to me. so empty.

As i am forced to concentrate on my studies, i have also silently been in denial about my future. Sure, it should be easy right. getting a permanent residentship or not getting one. getting a job . I figure i am at this rebellious stage where i am so not prepared to work in a proper, stable environment. perhaps i should take a one year course. or volunteer abroad (anyone up for it? try WYI). perhaps this and perhaps that. a million options but nevertheless need sufficient courage to take one step further.
and until i am at that point of stage, i can only sulk and catch up on my endless assignments and prepare myself for the second last battle in uni. the finals in June.

i have a feeling i'll be on hiatus up till my finals are done. so, if u're missing me too much, and its unbearable, drop me an email or just give me call *winks*.

Would like to share with all of you, my mobile's current wallpaper. love him. so bloody much.

Lost in paradise..

2008-04-05T23:23:00.016+08:00

If there really is a thing called heaven, this would be mine.....

If I were to pick the BEST year within my 21 years of life.... this would be it.

No exaggerations made. With my Chinese New Year spent in Italy and Easter break in Hamilton of which, if you must know, took me about 2 years to convince my friends that the AUD1000 ++ was worth it.

And, sure as hell it was.

Italy was absolutely beautiful. but this, this is another world to itself. it defines what being in a paradise is. because, this IS paradise.

Many people seem to forget the greatness of the barrier reef (it has the word 'Great' at the front for a reason, if you do not notice). I mean sure, most of us heard of it before, seen it in Discovery channel, or even the big screen, most notably "Finding Nemo" where the surfer turtles have heavy Aussie accent and shit. That's probably all most people are exposed to.

But what people don't know is that how amazing the place was and how it easily became one of the dream spot for diving enthusiasts with sharks and stingrays abundant. and the funny thing was, the locals there secretly despise Mr Crocodile Hunter for ruining the poor stingrays' reputation. "He was the one bothering them, that's why he got attacked" muttered one of the skippers as she was asked regarding the dangers in the sea before we got off the boat.

After the trip, i can proudly say that i had my first divingexperience in the Great Barrier Reef!

A scary yet magnificent experience it was. Absolutely brilliant. apart from the fact that i was trying hard to remind myself to breath through my mouth and NEVER stop breathing and it was obvious that parts of the reef were dying. we owe it of course, to the global warming and a warm round of applause to us people for doing nothing about it.

ohh, and i manage to see Nemo! and his Mama and Papa! it was so bloody adorable!!!!!

i couldn't help but observe it as i was snorkelling, i just stayed there. He (assumably) was hiding in the corals when he (assumably) saw too many unfamiliar faces and peeked to see if we were gone. seriously, i was laughing in the water and gulped lots of sea water....

another thing that is worth mentioning would definitely be the Whitehaven beach, voted as the top 10 beaches in the world. the sand being pure white and is known to have an exfoliating effect. :D

so anyway, back to the main point. Hamilton Island. A place we call 'The Buggy Land' where golf buggys dominate any other types of vehicles in this small yet best situated island. Our apartment has a 'a-hem' seaview that conveniently allowed us to have our breakfast and tea overlooking the ocean, nevertheless accompanied by many hungry-looking Paulies.

I can just easily type a thousand more words and i still doubt that it will be enough for me to describe how reluctant it was for us to leave the island. while each of us is still mentally and emotionally stuck in the dream, i urge you people, (yes, i'm pointing at you!) to sign up for a trip to the island immediately if you don't already have.

no, i'm not advertising. ;)

Note: All pictures posted in this entry are 100% genuine. They are NOT images taken from websites, magazines, postcards...... credits to Alicia and her wonderful camera ;)

2008-03-21T18:23:00.004+08:00

Ironically, i realise that i can not handle stress. When i feel the least bit of stress-ness, my brain shuts down completely, refusing to take note of the things that i have yet to complete. i turn to other sources to help me forget (temporarily). Fortunately, they are not joint or coke or bottles of vodka or beer, but just an innocent saviour to me. Youtube. or any other forms or sites that enables me to stream dramas and movies.

Yes, i submerge myself into the fictionised world and refuse to come out of it. the world of fantasy that makes me think that love is wonderful and that i can 'jump' from one metropolitan city to another or have the most amazing journey to the top of mount everest.

seriously. don't you wish that your world is just that perfect?

but once the movie ends, you are left to realise that you are back in reality. and as everyone knows, reality bites. and so, in the end, to click into one movie (or drama) to another and the whole process repeats itself all over and over and over and over again.

perhaps, i need some motivation. something that changes my perception and can actually convince me that studies aren't really so bad.

hm, i wonder............... what could it be...?

It's so not a kid's affair

2008-03-09T19:54:00.003+08:00

Most Malaysians, or people living in Malaysia, or anyone who cares about Malaysia would know that elections was held yesterday, with pretty shocking news even to the oppositions and its voters. Yes, our most respectful government/the BN, is no longer having control over our country at such ease.

Perhaps, the people wanted a change, finally. they got bored with all the yips and yaps of our very old established government. This change shows that people want a voice of their own. In my opinion, and mine alone really, this can be the next best thing OR it can be the beginning of a chaos. A war. an unclear future that people, after years of careful thinking, are willing to take risk for.

with the opposing parties taking almost half of the parliamentary and state seats, are they really ready for this challenge? how sure are the people that these new leaders can and will do a better job than its losing contenders?

i guess we'll never know until time comes. when that time comes, let's hope our country managed to absorb and digest what they have to offer.

I am positively sure that i am among one of the thousands of malaysian bloggers conveying our opinions regarding this overly publicized and talked about matter but since this is my blog afterall, i'd like to write about it and it is up to you to read it.

Moomba fest is going on at the moment and this really marks the near end of summer and welcoming my favourite autumn. Fireworks was fantastic as usual, almost as if bringing me to the magical Disneyland for a second. it's SO not a kids-only affair. *winks*

ramblings and whatnot

2008-03-06T14:08:00.002+08:00

I have a new hero. and her name is Juno.

not because she's pregnant. but because she's a calm, pipe-smoking, sarcastic, cute little 16 year old who "digs" gory movies, 70s music, and plays guitar. she's the complete opposite of a perfect girl, but yet has more respectable qualities and, is so underrated. :D

by the way, i think i took a 40 minute walk back to my apartment which, i must add, usually takes me only about 20-25 minutes. i guess i have to blame this music here (check out my new playlist in the blog) that i've been playing on my ipod nano. perhaps another time, i'd consider hard metal? maybe my pace will be faster. does it make sense?

sorry, after a 2-hour Investments lecture that i've managed to sit through, nothing makes sense anymore.....

2008-02-28T18:56:00.004+08:00

the thing about books is, well, fictions in general, i love collecting them, but i never can keep up with them because i tend to buy and then i place them on my book shelf looking all poised and proud and after awhile, it becomes dusty and abandoned.

in fact, as i am typing at this very moment, there are three novels that i borrowed from a new found city library, one from my friend, and another old book of mine returned by my friend that i have yet to finish, lying on my bedside.

And classes are about to start. damn.

2008-02-27T22:29:00.003+08:00

What seemingly started to be one of the longest holiday is almost coming to an end.
i would, without the slightest hesitation, label this holiday, 'The Best I've Ever Had' just because it was one of the best in my entire life. do believe me, i've had plenty of school holidays before this. and yes, this IS the best.

to make things easier for me, and for you readers... here's the breakdown :D

1. Being able to complete my internship (you have no idea how proud i am with myself) and getting to know my tax colleagues/seniors

2. Celebrating new year, and an early 21st with my uni friends in Pangkor. and a delightful short surprise that came along with it *winks* (Thanks for the present!! love you guys so much!!!)

3. Baby Belle came into my life... the wildest yet cutest, and pretty sneaky i might add, puppy that i've ever met.

4. Spent Chinese New Year in ITALY -- i think the sentence says it all..

5. Catching up with my friends back in Malaysia. you all will be dearly missed! i reassure you!!

Yes, that's probably the summary.

Now that i'm back in Melbourne, i need to keep my head clear and prepare for my studies when Uni starts nex week. In the meantime, i'm still trying to master my Guitar Hero II.

2008-01-25T16:24:00.000+08:00

i am now, as i press my heavily lethargic fingers onto the keyboard, in the midst of having a look-out for my manager or her assistantS, trying to defuse my boredom by finally blogging. in the office. with a connection that disables me to chat, email or have any form of communications through the net. this is really as good as it gets.

i will try my fullest to keep myself from whining or complaining or lament of any sorts, about my job. my job of just sitting down and act busy. my job of listening to the music while being 'on call' in case of any requests or demands to make photocopies of documents, preparing std letters and mailing out documents. i will not complain.

so lately, the hottest topics all over the globe would definitely be the political elections of course. spreads of newspapers covering news about the US presidential catfight between Clinton and Obama, a slight dissolvement of joy from the Aussies for finally sending Howard back to where he belongs. the old folk's place. a fight (literally) in Taiwan on who will be the nex favourite leader and of course, our dear old country trying their hardest to deal with the rising issues prior to the up and coming election. here is briefly what they did. or actually, TRYing to do.

1) fight the astonishing amount of crime rates by putting on surveillance cameras on areas with the most crime records

2) push down prices of commodities to prove that our country is better than others in terms of controlling inflation (which to me, seemed irrational as this can only be done temporarily, but also, exactly their point => short term is good enough)

3) having Thaipusam as a public holiday in areas like KL (hints: do you think the recent protest by HINDRAF has anything to do with this? hm... i wonder...)

4) build more schools to ensure more kids get to be educated. (they really should know that MORE does NOT mean BETTER. geez.)

5) pressing down the poverty rates of the country by creating even more parasites to the country.

i can list so many more things that they did and no one would notice the difference before, and after.

no, i'm not trying to condemn the government.

on the second thought, maybe i am.
However, as contradicting as this may seem, i still have some tiny little faith over our government though, ironically.

Corruption would not happen if we, as citizens are humane enough to own up to our own mistakes and pay its consequences. especially, er-hem. the yellow skin people. people of my kind. so i guess, in some ways, we ALL are to blame for such problems.

i don't think i will be around for the election this year eventhough i'm already of age. damn, i'm gonna miss my first vote. but, not that i have any clue on which party to vote for anyway.

The Drills & Spills

2008-01-19T14:30:00.000+08:00

The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino.
- Tom Hanks in 'You've Got Mail'

yes, first of all, i would like to announce that this blog is still active and running. just, maybe, not so frequently updated....

a late welcome i have to say, to our new friend, ms. rat, 2008. i do believe somehow, in some way or rather, this year belongs to a lady, thus being a Miss and not otherwise.

so new years often come with new resolutions. some vowed to stay away from alcohol, some desperately hoping for the right guy/girl to appear while mine is really a simple one.
i need and therefore have to graduate. well, don't we all?

i was reading my newspaper one day and i came across an article that really caught my eye. i can't recall the name of it but this journalist was trying to express her discontentment towards her neighbour and her neighbourhood in general. since CNY is just around the edge, all she could ever hear was drills and hammers knocking from across the street or her house. sure enough, most chinese families were trying to refurnish and renovate their houses to await for the coming of the lunar new year.
and, sure enough, most unfortunately, my family happened to be one of them. perhaps she stays in MY neighbourhood and the neighbour she meant was MY family? i could only say, my house is like a warzone. a battlefield. dust and splatters of cement and the remainings of the drilled walls filled my house. newspapers covering my sofas and television sets in vain.

my house now, as i speak, is filled with odd-looking men spitting salivas all over the corners of my ruined garden. i can only feel for my darling Belle who is constantly being bothered with. urgh... i hate those people trying to 'play' with my dog. i pray that this ends next friday as they have promised.

on the brighter side, CNY IS coming and i WILL be going to ITALY. yeepeeeeeee!!! Milan, here i come! lol.

2007-12-09T17:44:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."
-Meg Ryan in 'You've Got Mail'-

to finally be able to get rid of my laziness and lethargic lifestyle, on the 4th of Dec 2007, i reported myself as a vacation trainee in PricewaterhouseCoopers, a well-established accounting firm (aka one of the Big 4's). Since i was not an accounting major, it would be irrelevant for me to pick the auditing department and thus, leaving me with tax.

The name of the firm itself sounded so professional, so poised, so envied by all other less 'extravagant' firms in the same area of service and yet, the first day of my internship happened to be so absurdly, or to break all politeness, fucking boring. The whole taxation department was down to me, and my supposedly 'mentor'. yep. two. of. us.
That was later explained to me that most colleagues have decided to clear all their annual leave. So my mentor was considerably busy which left me awkward as he has no idea whatsoever as to what he was suppose to do with me. and so, e left me with a huge pile of papers for me to file and for him to concentrate on HIS work. and yes, that was how my first day went- filing paper documents with scattered and unorganized files all around the office.

The second day went by even more miserably as i have stupidly completed my task so quickly that i could hear my mentor muttering under his breath, 'shit, now what.'
i was then handed with a stack of mails to call for pick up and couriers... and when i was done with that, i just took a copy of 'Tax Budget 2007' and start reading. my yawns were endless and at some point, my eyes were barely open but the seemingly endless day ended soon when the clock striked 5.30pm.

My other colleague came back to work and i was delighted to see a younger face. Of course, i recognised her as my brother's acquaintances. She was told to prepared something for me to get busy with and thus, was thrown with some invoices and some forms... she became my lunch mate and i could only thank god that she was there.

So that was 'roughly' how my first week of internship went. Dead boring. and i could not stand accountants and their standard procedures in work. i was told to write down all the belongings that i took from the office. be it toilet rolls, 70gm A4 papers (for office uses), 80gm A4 papers (for clients) and write down every single client that i printed the documents for so that they can charge the clients at the end of each period. WTF.

Exercise book no. 1) 70gm A4 papers (printer no. 3)

name of client : XXX company
qty of papers used : 3
signature : kelly

Exercise book no.2) Toilet rolls
name : kelly
qty of toilet rolls used : 1
signature : kel

and the list just goes on.............

At the moment, i could only pray that my work will be even more exciting or challenging or actually, just less boring.

because music is my life..... and so are my grades..........

2007-11-01T19:56:00.000+08:00

The most repeated songs in my ipod whilst studying for my finance.economics.marketing.management papers.......

1. Samson - Regina Spektor
2. Angel - Sarah McLachlan
3. Hands - Jewel
4. 22 Steps - Damien Leith
5. What Goes Ard... Comes Ard - Justin Timberlake
6. Beautiful Liar -Beyonce ft. Shakira (no thanks to Body Jam...)
7. Michael Buble's 'It's Time' album
8. Dear Mr. President - Pink
9. The One That Got Away - Pink
10. Fidelity - Regina Spektor (y, of coz! :D)
11. Time After Time (live) - Cyndi Lauper
12. Eason Chan's songs
13. Fan Wei Qi's ....

other recommendations? :)

p.s./ my exams will be running from the 9th nov till 16th nov and i will be flying back on the 17th midnight, reaching kl on the 18th. so yea. will be missing in action till then..................

Good luck on any upcoming exams!! and wish me luck too!!!

no, i can't live without you...

2007-10-04T22:24:00.000+08:00

so there i was, logging in to facebook, basically trying to take my mind away from studies. anyway, i clicked into a group that i joined a couple of weeks ago. a group that screams, "I Miss Malaysian Food!"

in fact, when people ask me, what i miss most, being abroad and everything..
my first intuition would always be, well, food of course.
but noting the expression and replied given, i would add rather quickly, "also, family... erm, my bed and.... erm, friends?!"
what can i say...... i live for food.
food is not a just a mean of survival, energy.... food is more to that. food is tempting, at most times mouth-watering, food brings colours to our lives. no, no.. let me put this more directly. food is a delicacy. and Malaysian food, at its best.

celebrating festivals abroad give no meaning even when you're with a bunch of frens. no meaning because we can't savour the original, traditional delicacies that we were once given without the slightest hint of appreciation. yes, we humans tend to take things for granted. imagine;

Chinese New Year with no 'Loh Sang',(yes, apparently, it's a Malaysian thing, which left me shocked for words)

or Dumpling festival with no traditional Malaysian dumplings (viet's and hong kong's are diff!)

or the recent Mooncake Festival without my beloved Shanghai mooncake..

or the Raya without tasting the delicious lemang and rendang made by Dana's mum during the Raya open house... (i miss you Danes! and it's not just because of the food.. i swear...... ....)

the list just goes on and on....

sure they have Malaysian cafes here... BUT, they are highly overpriced (say, AUD 9 for a plate of roti and a miserable bowl of curry chicken to dip) and most of them TRY TOO HARD.. it's depressing sometimes..

up until now, we have yet to find a cafe with Malaysian snacks... not just satays but other simple but distinctive appetizers and desserts... oh, don't get me started with desserts....
cendol, ais kacang, coconut drink, apam balik, otak otak, bbq wings, nyonya kuih, popiah DURIAN...........

fuck, i miss HAWKER FOOD!!!

and if you ask me, the malaysian tourism board should seriously reconsider their ad campaigns.... screw cultural shit. food is the way to go!

now, i'm going to bombard you with more pictures of typical, traditional delicacies of my home country...

simple, but mouthwatering nevertheless..

but on top of all that.. i miss my dearest grandma(s)' homemade cooking the best! chilli crabs, curry chicken on one side..... original hainanese chicken rice by another.... oh, heaven...
which reminds me.. it's time for me to write out a list of food (to order, lol).. as i'll be back peeps!!!

18th of november! yay!

Our 'heroes'?

2007-09-24T22:54:00.000+08:00

it always amazes me how movies like Spiderman manage to top the box office charts at full ease. you know, the idea of superheroes sell. and may i say, they sell big time.

Spidey, Superman, Batman, X-Men, Catwoman, the Incredibles fight evil to well, save the world of course. to all of you fans out there, let me first warn you... this might be a pretty tough entry, filled with sarcasm and sneers... but hey, i am pretty confident that you might have some interest in what i have to say...

So, the main idea here is that "superheroes save the world" right? the plot's simple. at the very beginning, it's always the not-so-convincing yet trying-very-hard explanation of how that special individual got his/her powers.
Then comes, you know, the controlling and developing of the powers part while the evil starts to create some mess for the time being.
The next thing, the superhero tries to come to the rescue but will end up with some conflicts with the media, or end up getting caught and severely whipped by the evil guy.
one thing comes to another, the hero ends up saving everyone that matters in the story (not taking into consideration the poor cops who got blasted at some scenes, or the people involved in traffic accidents, indirectly caused by the 'hero').
the hero reunites with his/her loved one and ends up kissing one another at the last scene while a bunch of people in the background, applaud...

erm, yep. that's basically the storyline. and you think sappy love stories are cliche?!

so i was, for a short period of time, addicted to the series 'Heroes'. you know, i was really curious why everyone was crazy over it... and yes, i know i'm slow....

the cast was alright. hot indian guy, a pretty cheerleader, cute (i meant chubby) jap guy, a slutty bitch and a guy that reminded me again of my Gilmore Girls days, Milo aka Peter.
the first few epis were pretty interesting. leaving us with lotsa question marks, some eerie scenes, some suspense going on............... but then it got draggy.
they were perhaps trying to show a diff side of being 'special'. questions that were generally being raised (note the -ed) by the X-men film series. it's like an X-men come Lost come Medium drama? disapponting, at least for me.

don't get me wrong. i don't hate the idea of superheroes entirely. i mean, hot men in suits rite? lol. i just don't get why they are top grossing films while some movies that are worth so much more of the attention, gets none. i guess the definition of a good film is too subjective. and most people inevitably falls into the majority side of thinking. the spiderman side, instead of maybe, movies like Evening or something. And if you ask me, i think that superheroes should stay INside the comics. the big screen? unless they come out with something fresher, i don't think i'll ever be interested anymore. and hey, dare i say, they are overrated.

2007-09-17T09:53:00.000+08:00

an entry dedicated for my beloved Lord Tobias Bulgogi.......... (he's a brit afterall..)

Happy Birthday boy! You're officially 1!!!!!
.
.
.

Thanks for giving me some light entertainment when i'm severely bored..
Thanks for letting me hug you like a big fluffy teddy bear..
Thanks for the occasional welcoming when you lie directly across the front door..
Thanks for laying next to me when i'm awake..
Thanks for causing me endless sleepless nights..
Thanks for unintentionally making me laugh - you're always cheeky, in a silly way
.
.

thank you boy!

2007-08-25T18:32:00.000+08:00

Emotions are caught within me lately. perhaps it's the workload, perhaps it's my endless trails of headaches and cramps, or perhaps, it's just me feeling caught up in this world where millions of questions come rushing into my brain waiting for an answer. i kept whining that no one understands me but i finally realise that i don't even have the slightest idea of what i want and who i am. perhaps, that is the highest level of loneliness that one can ever achieve. in a way, i should be happy, because i actually achieved something in my 20 years of life.

i tried many a time to start writing about the world's current hottest topic. protecting our mother nature. environmental beliefs. to be honest, i have only the faintest idea. sure, i know green bags in supermarkets are environmental friendly. that, the so-called organic veges are good for our health (although, there are some research that oppose to that idea) and under-developed factories are figures of monsters to our dear mother of nature. i confess, that is about all that i know of. but, more to that, i find the overly rated attention annoying.
almost everyone tries to be environmentally friendly right now, when it's hip and trendy, and it makes paris hilton so yesterday. but when another issue occurs, something hotter, more 'the next big thing', poor mother nature is left alone with perhaps a handful left who have little power to change anything at all.
so, don't be a part of it because everyone else has, do it because you care.
if you couldn't care less, then bugger off.

back to my little world, i have something else to confess;
i miss my high school days of singing on the stage (i have a few friends who also understand me, if they are actually reading this..). some opportunities past me by because i was too afraid to step up. now, i'm left to just reminisce those days, uttering perhaps, a thousand times of "if only...".
i seriously, dreadfully, miss performing.........

i'm sorry, what's your name?

2007-07-31T22:57:00.000+08:00

i really should be sleeping right now.... but oh well....

so when was the last time you spoke to a stranger?

being in uni now, i have every opportunity to go up to a stranger and just enthusiastically introduce myself. "Hi, I'm Kelly and what is your name?" while holding out my hand, waiting anxiously for a friendly handshake. or attempt the 'social butterfly' look without appearing as cocky.

but the reality is, i can never do that. i probably lack some determination, self-esteem, sincerity to actually be as friendly. and, in fact, i am one of those lazy people that only get to know people for the sake of knowing. yep.

group assignments are just around the corner, get to know some people.

the tutorial is getting a bore (what else is new?!), go talk to someone.

there is a good-looking guy sitting just at the opposite direction and no possible identified 'gf(s)' beside him, give him a big smile......

either way, there's always a reason.

i always dreaded the first classes where the tutor never fails to make us introduce ourselves. "Hi, I'm Kelly (state your name), doing second of commerce (the course you're doing), and i like reading (what you do in your free time)".
seriously, give me a break. like anyone will remember what you said and gives a shit about what you do when you are "free".
you think 'reading' sounded boring? a girl in my class said she liked "sitting around" when she's free.... erm, yea.... sure she does.............

however dreadful it might sound, that short little introduction is probably the key to getting to know people. that is the time where judgements are made, bad or good. you can screw up your intro and just sound like a freak or score big time and perhaps some people might come up to you eagerly. i was neither.

right. so we've passed the introduction moments. here comes the hard part. getting to know each other. sure, there are the few repetitive questions like,
"what are you majoring in?"

"how was your holidays?"

"what are subjects are you taking this semester?"

"where are you from?"

everything will go fine, that is if.. that person did not lose interest in you and turn to another familiar looking face and start a whole new conversation, conveniently leaving you out of the picture. when that actually happens, i'd act as if nothing happened and start the 'looking busy' act while silently muttering, "bloody locals" or "it's not me, it's them" or even a desperate "i've tried my best".

another situation is when the opposite occurs. the person is eagerly awaiting for your flow of questions to continue, but you've got only so much to ask. what would you do? i've tried just smiling or diverting the attention to someone else sitting around you just to avoid the awkward moments. i've even tried coming out with some utterly random questions, hoping for time to pass me by. come on, you're a stranger, and i've only got this much to talk about. i can't exactly go pouring out my heart and soul, or start some gossips about the people you have not the slightest clue about. again, i would try to fend off the guilt of silence by saying, "i've tried my best"

if you have not encountered these moments, i salute you. after so many ice-breaking sessions (twice a year, for 3 years now), i've become so immune that in the end, i would just give a blank look, hoping that they would just leave me alone. well, unless of course, i needed a groupmate, or he's a good-looking guy.........

2007-07-26T19:01:00.000+08:00

i believe,
good movies make you cry...
good songs touches your heart in a more subtle and sincere way.....

If you don't already know, i love music. i like listening to soft, crisps vocals. i adore beautiful melodies. i envy the ability to write good songs.

i like strumming my guitar (or trying to) while murmuring the lyrics under my breath. i love singing. i love humming through the melodies, i love just singing out loud the songs that i find 'classic' or just happy, sing-along ones. i like singing in the bathroom, in the car, in my room and even when i'm walking alone to uni in the morning..

i hate overrated and overly publicised singers, although, i do like some occasional divas... i am currently into some blues and jazz, some indie pop-rock like michael buble, norah jones, bjork is good if you only listen to her once in a VERY long while, james morrison has some cool hits, and because i do listen to some chinese songs, try deserts chang (excuse her name..). of course, there are lots of other great vocals out there.. and i don't have to name the obvious.

i could still recall a scene from 'the holiday' (sorry, i watched it for the third time now), where jack black plays a song he wrote for kate. "i only used the good notes.." he said.

ohh, and if u do have the opportunity, go catch a movie called 'Evening'. good plot and great cast (meryl streep, claire danes, glenn close... to name a few).

and peeps, i finally watched Phantom of the Opera. what can i say. just simple. i. loved. it.

the Journey...

2007-07-09T00:55:00.000+08:00

okay okay.. so i've gone missing.. i apologise....... but i had my reasons................

What started off as a hesitant 'yes' to sign up for the 11 day central australia trip turned out to be an experience of a lifetime. very cliche, i know.

To spare you with lengthy details of the "what i did"s in the trip, because it IS an eleven-day trip afterall, i will just blab on about important, interesting things or events.

THE JOURNEY
Before we realised it, we were stepping onto the borders of the Northern Territory the central of the centre of Australia. well, perhaps, NOT so centre... but oh well, u get my point. the trip started of slow pace in Alice Springs in the first 2 days and then accelerated as we got warmed up. some visits to the royal flying doctor service center, cultural aboriginal arts to name a few.

the next day, we hiked up (and down) the KINGS CANYON. in short, it's a smaller version of the grand canyon and it took us a 4 hour effort to complete the track. the view was pretty spectacular. together with the glaring sun and the endless track, it made me feel as if i was a part of the 'Journey to the West' in search of the sutras... except, there wasn't any monkey king or other flesh eating demons..

the morning after, we headed off to the peak of the trip. the uluru-kata tjuta national park, where the 2 main attractions lie.... AYERS ROCK and the OLGAS.

Ayers rock, or Uluru, is the world's largest monolith and an Aboriginal sacred site and is Australia's most famous natural landmark. Uluṟu is notable for colour changes as the different light strikes it at different times of the day and year, with sunset a particularly remarkable sight when it briefly glows red.

As i was too coward to climb to the peak of the rock (mind you, it IS pretty damn steep), i took an alternative route - 9km walk around the scared stone. in a more proper way of putting it, we 'respect' the rock. that was what the guys we saw in the 'chicken-route' told us. *scoffs* and, for your info, the aboriginals hated us, the ignorant tourists, to climb their sacred rock and try every possible way to warn us on the bad karma if we took even a small stone from the rock. they also never fail to tell us the death tolls of people who climb the ayers rock.

The Olgas, though not as sacred, is definitely, my top pick. as we started off the hike in the beginning, we all thought it was just another rock lying in the middle of the desert. but oh my, have we all thought wrong. when we reached the 2nd lookout, we just could not believe our eyes. it was like a scene from 'The Land Before Time". it was just like in movies where the protagonists reached the top of the hill after a tiring journey and ta-da! there it was. a valley that left us all in awe. the lookout, was named 'The Valley of The Wind" and the name fits perfectly into the frame. it was perfect, and it was beautiful. even as i close my eyes now, i can recall the very image of the lookout.

After travelling overnight in the bus, we reached a town called Coober Pedy. this town is known particularly for the largest capital of opal mines. this town, is one of the most unique towns i have ever encountered. located at the north of southern australia, this town is filled with opal-hungry individuals. the people there not only digs for opal underground, they LIVE underground! they have underground homes, underground church, hotels, cafes, pubs, shops and the list just goes on. it is a town very much of its own. it is a town with the most nationalities in australia and a grass-less golf course. the only miserable patch of grass can befound in a primary school. and mind you, they are very proud of it. this is possibly the cutest, most underrated town i have ever had a chance to encounter. Coober Pedy.

an underground catholic church in CP

the last stop in our itinerary was Adelaide. a city filled with churches. that was the only thing i could think of. i was right, but there was also more to that. it was a city very much like melbourne, only a tad smaller and we even visited the Uni of Adelaide.also, very much like Melb Uni.. not too sure about the size though. would like to thank Karen for bringing us around. a grest host!

the trip ended of with a sense of joy and satisfaction as we headed back to melbourne...

THE WEATHER
Where should i start? hm... the much despised weather that changes drastically in the afternoon and then at night... i'm not kidding. it ranges between 30 degrees in the hot afternoon and drops to 3 degrees in the midnight. to top it off, we slept in pitched tents, which meant, we were very much exposed to the weather, 24/7. but it is afterall a desert. and we did afterall get some warning before we went.... but having to wrap ourselves with as many layers as possible in a supposed-to-be-warm sleeping bags is just something i could not NOT rant about. at the end of our trip, we were laughing at ourselves silly as one could barely see the other tent-mate when waking up to add more layers in the freezing cold nights.. t-shirts, sweaters, jumpers, jackets, gloves, leg warmers, leggings, pants, socks, beanies, scarves.....................brrrrrr.. i feel cold just mentioning them.

REFLECTION
let's just say it was something i had never expected. and i love every bit of it. sure, i complained so much, sometimes i'm even annoyed with myself. my fren assured me that it was only normal. i listened, and felt better, just hoping she wasn't telling me her white lies.............
the trip of course, would not be as fun if it wasn't for my dearest frens! we didn't exactly portrayed a sweet and quiet image to others but hey, we wouldn't have enjoyed as mnnuch if we did right?! to my sweeties, thanks for all the laughter!!

apart from that, i think this trip really tested the nature in me. i have never knew that there were so much colours to the sky then just blue and its white clouds. the sunrises, the sunsets, the rainbows, the thin clouds... it made me feel the urge to paint and take endless pictures of it just so that i would not forget how beautiful they were. breathtaking, magnificent, spectacular..... these words are not enough to describe how i felt each and every time......

whoops! so much for the 'sparing you with details'......

"Eat kebab, kiss Donna"

2007-05-24T19:17:00.000+08:00

~ a random remark stated at the side of a mint box.....

a random entry to keep people updated, and to remind everyone that i'm still around.. although, my mind is currently wandering off every direction it could think of.....

for the first time in my life, i went to a concert. ;)
PINK's concert. *double winks*
it was awesome. her vocals. her music. and everything else. :D
will upload some pictures and videos sometime in the future... i promise.

been spending my hours in the uni library where practically everyone is just as stress as i am. i can only say that i am stoned. i am A stoner walking around uni, barely acknowledging, or wanting to be acknowledged.

the library is now a place i feel secure, like a warm little hut in a secluded land, like Kate Winslet's hut in 'The Holiday'. except, it's not so little, and it's not that warm either. and there's no cozy little fireplace where you can sit on the comfy wooden chair and drink your hot chocolate with. AND, there's no hot guy like Jude Law that comes knocking onto your door.............. sigh........ nope. none of that sort. just an old, big, big, big (okay, not SO big) building filled with books and computers and cellphones and whispering students. hm, now that i've mentioned, it's just another ordinary library.

it's a place where people study, eat, sleep, have no-so-soft conversations and not-so-soft giggles in. the coffee aroma never fail to make its entrance in the study area as students make it vital for them to stay alive and also the ever so famous red bull drink that "gives you wings". hm, screw panadols and all other drugs. they can't make us fly can they?

my eyebags are so heavy they are about to fall off my face. Mr Bul aka cat of mine, is giving me an awfully hard time at night. he sleeps during the day and surprise surprise, he becomes irritably active at night. his 'knock' at my door is nothing simpler than scratching and banging with his i-don't-know-where-he-got-all-the-strength-from paws and believe me, it's louder than you can ever imagine. remind me to demonstrate to you the nex time you step into my apartment. it all started on a nice warm morning at 9am, and then it became 8, 7, 6 and now, a bloody 5! to top it off, he 'knocks' a couple of times in the morning......................
the frustrating part of course, is that he gives me the 'puss in boots' look that leaves me utterly speechless.
you see, i told you cats are evil!

that's all for my rantings now.. sorry, got to let it out somewhere......

.seasons in the sun.

2007-05-14T10:20:00.000+08:00

i was walking behind the couple when i took the pictures.. note: wasn't stalking them

it's middle of may now and it just donned on me that autumn has already arrived. in fact, it is about to be over. the season i love most. a season where bright leaves cover the uneven pathways, the season of rain, wind and sometimes bright, sometimes hidden sun. you might think that it is just any ordinary day but to me, there is a special, indescribable feeling about it. ohh, i just love autumn.

exams is about to come, so, best of luck to everyone who is sitting for their papers soon. as for me, i'll be crossing my fingers, hoping that i'll do better this time..

p.s./ sorry for the short entry.. will write a longer one as soon as i'm done digging in my finance and economics textbooks....... wish me luck!

... crystal chand-ies ...

2007-05-01T21:18:00.000+08:00

i have always, secretly, find chandeliers fascinating.
yep, chandeliers.. the giant crystal sparkly things that hung onto the ceilings..
they are beautiful and most importantly, or oddly, i can't help but to imagine it falling onto the perfectly shiny mosaic flooring (for example) everytime i look at it and imagine how each crystal ornaments break into tiny pieces.. pieces that cannot be reformed again..

it will be heartbreaking of course, but the scene can be pretty captivating. at the very least, people will actually acknowledge its existence. imagine you being hung onto the ceiling for decades of years without the slightest attention given. i'd rather end it with an eye-catching, ear-piercing, 'performance'.

i have always been a mind-wanderer. i'll be sitting down somewhere, and i'd try to look at objects (not people) around me and for some reason, chandeliers never fail to catch my attention. to me, the whole scene of it falling and breaking into bits and pieces is just like how memories, caught deeply inside our minds are dug out slowly, bit by bit. each and every ornament represents a tiny fraction of our memories. memories that you can barely recall but you know that it stays deep in your mind. small but vivid memories that can make you smile effortlessly..

it's fragile but it is nevertheless almost impossible to remember every single detail that had happened in your numerous years in your life. some even try their utmost to erase them... people say that there will be flashbacks of your life during near-death situations and i believe that. i just hope never to encounter them at this moment of my life, that's all.

perhaps it's just me trying desperately to reminisce the sweet old days... perhaps looking back at the past is not such a good thing. but without such a past, will there actually be the 'me' now, or you as the matter of fact. the future is important, but it is the past that shapes who you are right now, at this point of time....

pictures to help me relieve my unforgettable moments..

i don't recommend, i command! ;)

2007-04-20T22:58:00.000+08:00

do me a favor.

if you're bored and you're reading this, google becoming jane and copying beethoven.

they are both remarkable stories of the great contributors in the world of art. literature and music.
i am trying to say, go watch the two films!! (cinema, downloads, dvd... wuteva). don't believe me? check out this trailer;

i absolutely love the first two lines he said in the trailer! and i was so touched during the orchestra scene, it's absurd!!

when it comes to movies;

i'm a sucker for chick flicks (classics like pretty woman, clueless, you've got mail.........)

i love films that makes you frown throughout the 120 mins and then leave you with a 'sigh', as if you're already caught inside their world and refused to let it end (babel, crash, copying beethoven.........)

i adore those highly reviewed but non-commercialised films with notably low production costs but inside, great actors who enjoy their work (sideways, volver....)

i hate overly publicised lame-o movies with lame jokes and lame concepts (e.g. date movie, snakes on plane.. wtfuck?)

i have two movie buddies here in melbourne. namely, alicia and adeline ;)

i am a movie fanatic

tick, and tock..?!

2007-04-14T11:34:00.000+08:00

Leaving the matter of god and the associated beliefs aside, i believe our life is controlled entirely by time. the stubborn but loyal mr. clock ticks every second, without the slightest concern over what had happened during each second it passes, and ignoring our pleas to make time pause for a mili-second or even just to slow down its pace so that perhaps, a million or even few lives could be saved.

stubborn, in this context, sounds too subtle an adjective.

so what we, the humans do?
we race through time hoping that we could catch the next train (for example), or obediently follow mr. clock and its all-planned-out daily routines while some wait foolishly, erm, i mean, patiently as miracles come knocking onto their doors. all said, we are not as powerful as we seemed.

some might try to fight off this remark but life is all about timing. the right timing to meet someone who, like god, protects you and lend all hands and ears to you, be it friends or stranger, or the perfect timing where your mr/ms right appears before your eyes.. it is all about fate. and timing has everything to do with it.

i haven't been exactly "miss well-organised" when it comes to time. perhaps that was the major problem.. as i wait, and wait and wait.. for just a slight miracle to happen in my dull, lethargic life..

a blurry view of port melbourne.. during sunset..

it's all about the money..

2007-04-02T22:11:00.000+08:00

Just when i begin to get the hang of things, of life, the issue seems to always bother me. i adknowledged the problem, thought a minute about it and then left the matter aside. i told myself to hang on for just two more years and i will be free. free to do anything i want. i am pursuing my commerce degree for the sake of obligations. there. selfishly spoken. i blurted it out.

It's a responsiblity to fulfil as a child, and as a person who seeks success in life. in other words, i have something to fall on to if i failed to achieved my notorious/childhood dreams. notorious, perhaps, is too strong a word. i can honestly tell you with a relieve tone, i am not the only one. my faculty is filled with thousands of students, being known as the faculty with the most enrolment. and they, disappointingly enough, like me, do not have full passion in what they do. obviously, their passion lies in money.. so that's another point.

who in their right minds enjoy preparing financial statements or financially analyse a business's wrongs or right doings.. it is just unbearable if the thought of money did not appear. economists are said to be the scientists without the lab. true enough, they like assumptions and assumptions are all they make. so we, the commerce students look into the future instead of caring about the present. we, the commerce students think that life is really just a big competition. a competition where only the best outlasts the rest. this, sadly is the reality.

my friends asked me why i chose this course. i told them that it's just so that i can do what i want to do when i earned enough savings. i managed to convinced them and at the same time, i managed to convince myself...

maybe the truth was i was a coward. i am afraid to pursue my "dreams". i wanted to become a jewellery designer, i like to sing, i used to find advertisements interesting.. but i was scared. and so, i chose the steady, stable way. i chose a course that i can find a job with. i chose a course that did not need inborn talents, just pure determination.

you'd probably think after all i've said, i really just hate my course. i hate it to bits. but at the same time, i find it powerful. economy is the "in" thing right now. because of economic benefits, political stands are widely influenced. globalisation rules the world. wars are triggered from the exchange of a nation's benefit to another. we all know how it all goes.. and it starts with *psst* I-R-A-Q W-A-R...

right now, i am still indecisive about my future but it's just so me to ramble on as my assignments and mid-sem tests are clogged up in my daily list of to-do's..

..because everyone needs a hug

2007-03-31T12:05:00.000+08:00

hey girl, this entry is for you..
i can't physically be by your side..
but this is the best way i can reach to you... a hug from melbourne.. hope you received it in your heart ;)

"Sometimes, a hug is all what we need. Free hugs is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, A man whos sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their lives.

In this age of social disconnectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal.

As this symbol of human hope spread accross the city, police and officials ordered the Free Hugs campaign BANNED. What we then witness is the true spirit of humanity come together in what can only be described as awe inspiring.

In the Spirit of the free hugs campaign, PASS THIS TO A FRIEND and HUG A STRANGER! After all, If you can reach just one person..."

~ a new beginning, or just another continuity?

2007-03-31T01:55:00.000+08:00

i have yet to have the time to create a long entry.. but yes, i am no longer using my friendster blog. in fact, i'm loving this new site.

stayed up to finish my assignment.. it's almost 4 a.m now and my friend told me that i'd get to see the 'magnifique' sunrise in just 2 hours time..

at the very least, there's something to look forward to.. meanwhile, everyone's covered under their nice warm blankets... including my bul..